Crazed, Unshaven Andrew Marshall Publishes Incomprehensible 10,000-Word Rant About Aliens, Jews, Nanobots, Prem

SINGAPORE – The highly anticipated Wikileaks-based article by former Reuters journalist Andrew Marshall was finally released this morning, only to disappoint readers who found the 10,000-word essay to be the completely unreadable, illogical rantings of a possibly insane person.

The article, which Marshall’s former employer Reuters declined to publish because of its supposedly incendiary revelations about the Thai palace and its involvement in national politics, was titled “Nano-Nuclear Overlords Of The Seventh Dimension Within Our Collective Hive Brain” and made only minor passing references to Thailand and Thai political figures.

Originally intended for release on June 13, repeated delays and increasingly cryptic apologies from Marshall added to the hype surrounding the article, which was allegedly based on the contents of 3,000 Wikileaks documents about Thailand that he had obtained and was studying thoroughly.

Posted on Marshall’s personal blog site at 7am, the article was quickly disseminated and reprinted by the alternative press and blogosphere, including the Australia National University’s New Mandala site and Prachatai, under a pre-arranged plan to mass-distribute the article before Thai authorities could block it. As many as 30 websites were reportedly carrying the story by 8am, at which point people actually had a chance to read it.

Variously described as “gibberish,” “bizarre,” and “the ravings of a lunatic” by Marshall’s colleagues, followers and supporters, the article described the so-called “invisible hand” that controls Thailand as the fringe effects of 3000-milennia war between two intergalactic armies of space-faring beings whose weaponized “brain-imaginings” caused entire humanoid civilizations to come into existence.
mad andrew marshall
Additionally, a renegade member of one of the intergalactic beings apparently “went rogue” from its native dimension and was hiding on Earth in the form of photoplankton blooms and the Freemasons, who were responsible for building the pyramids and Angkor Wat, initiated the Nazi genocide to silence the Jews who were about to reveal the conspiracy, and who were soon going to release a cloud of nanobots to re-collectivize the brains of the human race.

Bangkok was only mentioned in the article as a “zero-material portal” through which messages could be sent through time using a language of “encoded neutrino probabilities,” a skill limited to a select few humanoid “dimensional slider-knights” including 19th-century scientist Nikola Tesla, goth singer Nick Cave and Privy Council head Prem Tinsulanonda.

Other prominent Thais such as Thaksin Shinawatra and Jakropob Penkair were briefly mentioned, but played no more significant a role in the overall story than non-Thai figures such as US actress Marisa Tomei, and long-deceased baseball player “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, whose participation in deliberately losing the 1919 World Series was, according to Marshall, “the opening of the First Door.”

Marshall also released a chart allegedly outlining the complex relationships between the major players in the vast intergalactic conspiracy, which involved such disparate elements as the Saudi jewel case, the extinction of the dinosaurs 60 million years ago, and the price of TRUEVisions cable TV. As of press time, none of the bloggers who had reposted the article and chart were able to offer an explanation, or for that matter a linear thought process, on either item.

The veracity of the surprising conclusions of the article was further put into doubt by the appearance of Marshall himself in a YouTube video posted at the same time as the article’s release. In it, an unshaven and possibly sleep-deprived Marshall screams at the camera a series of non-sequiter warnings about “convergence” and “the Third Door Plan.”

Friends and colleagues have speculated that the long hours of reading so many Wikileaks documents alone may have caused Marshall some kind of mental breakdown, possibly exacerbated by abuse of coffee and other mild stimulants. Many of the Twitter followers who initially disseminated the article later expressed sympathy for Marshall and his condition and theories about what may have happened to him.

More fanciful theories on alternative blogs have suggested that the reading of Wikileaks releases makes one a victim of a brain-eating curse that destroys one’s ability to write forever.

Meanwhile, the article remains accessible on Marshall’s blog and other sites. The Ministry of Information Technology announced that while no clear crime had been committed by the writings, they were still combing through the 10,000-word article in search of lese-majeste violations, including the possibly libelous suggestion that Prem was a dimensional slider-knight.

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