WANTED:

New name. Please contact Andrew Marshall at nonotthatandrewmarshall@gmail.com.

FOR SALE:

Boeing 737, used. One-of-a-kind interior, retrofitted with hot tub, king-sized bed, mirrored ceiling. Contact werner@walterbau.com.

AirAsia Adds Bt900 Surcharge For Driving Passengers To Plane

BANGKOK — Low-cost airline AirAsia is now charging passengers Bt900 to ride the bus which ferries them between the gate and plane on the tarmac. Passengers who do not pay the fee will now face a walk a 40-minute walk across the tarmac to board their plane. Passengers who do not arrive at the plane in time for boarding will forfeit their tickets, according to AirAsia’s terms of agreement. The... 

Pattaya Officially Changes Name to ‘The Infamous Seaside Resort of Pattaya’

THE INFAMOUS SEASIDE RESORT OF PATTAYA — Known worldwide as a den of crime and vice, Pattaya municipal officials have decided to embrace its reputation by officially renaming the city “The Infamous Seaside Resort of Pattaya”. Explaining the decision, Mayor Tik Kunplome said, “We found that almost every international press report referred to us as ‘the infamous seaside resort’.... 

Steve Jobs unveils ‘iMortal’ exoskeleton

SAN FRANCISCO — Apple CEO Steve Jobs abruptly ended concerns about his declining health by unveiling the “iMortal” exoskeleton at a spectacular product launch at the Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco today. Wearing the exoskeleton, Jobs made a dramatic entrance at the launch by descending from the ceiling and slowly lowering himself to the stage through careful manipulation...