Non-Naked, Non-German, Non-Sex Tourist Plunges From Hotel Window

Thai Police Baffled At Unprecedented “Karl Slym” Case

 

BANGKOK – The Royal Thai Police are asking the public to help with any leads in the mysterious death of Karl Slym, 51, who died after jumping out of a hotel window Monday despite not being naked, German, or in the presence of one or more Thai prostitutes.

Karl Slym fell from a 22nd story window despite not being German

Karl Slym fell from a 22nd story window despite not being German

“We’ve simply never seen a case like this before,” said Police Lieutenant Somyot Boonyakeow, an investigator on the case. “Mr Slym was fully clothed, and an autopsy reveals that he was not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, Viagra, or Cialis.”

“It doesn’t fit any profile of any hotel-falling death in Thailand we’ve ever seen,” he continued.

An executive of the Thai branch of the Tata Motors corporation, Slym’s death is being tentatively ruled a suicide after it was discovered that he had attended a company meeting shortly before his death, and that the company was posting a financial loss for the previous quarter.

Thai police, however, are insisting that Slym’s death might be the result of foul play, and possibly a larger criminal conspiracy.

“We searched the hotel room for two hours trying to find the prostitutes, but they had already left,” said Somyot. “The hotel staff insisted they hadn’t seen Mr Slym in the company of any prostitutes, so to us that suggests a massive cover-up by influential persons.”

Additionally, police regard the crime site as unusual, as the Shangri-La is a legitimate 5-star international tourist hotel, rather than a two-star guesthouse with giant towels for blankets and views of brick walls, the typical site for a “jumper.”

Further complicating the investigation was the presence of Slym’s wife in the hotel room at the time of the death.

“We don’t really have a procedure for dealing with foreign wives present at the scene of the incident,” explained Somyot. “It’s never happened before.”

“She’s actually the first foreign wife I’ve ever met,” he said. “Nice lady.”

The suspiciously classy hotel where Slym plunged to his death

The suspiciously classy hotel where Slym plunged to his death

A full forensics autopsy, complicated by the fact that the victim was “fully clothed, which we’ve also never dealt with,” according to Somyot, confirmed that Slym was sober and healthy for his age. Records obtained from Slym’s home country of Britain showed no signs of depression or alcoholism, or any history of criminal behavior.

Police have questioned Slym’s colleagues and friends, who have characterized him as a successful, hardworking, thoughtful person who was not into deviant sexual practices or in debt to the Russian mafia in Pattaya.

“In thirty years as a policeman I’ve never encountered such a twisted situation,” said Somyot.

“Mr Slym is simply like no man I’ve ever investigated in Thailand.”

 

 

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