LOST:

Well-deserved moment in the spotlight, and accolades from all Thais. If found, please return to Thailand Women’s Football Team. Thanks.

WANTED:

Childish, insight-free ideas that I can over-explain in un-funny, condescending pictures that waste five seconds of any person’s life who looks at them. Contact stepff@nation

JOB OPPORTUNITY:

Prime Minister, mid-sized nation. No experience, knowledge, intellect, commitment, honesty, or compassion required. None permitted, actually. Send CV and pic to ChanChanOChaCha@yahoo.com

LOST:

Middle path, middle ground, middle class. If found, please return to Thailand, or any Buddhist nation, really.

DESPERATELY SEEKING:

Attention. Validation. Possibly some Asian pussy. Contact Michael Yon.