LOST:

Middle path, middle ground, middle class. If found, please return to Thailand, or any Buddhist nation, really.

DESPERATELY SEEKING:

Attention. Validation. Possibly some Asian pussy. Contact Michael Yon.

WANTED:

Park to jog in that doesn’t smell like urine and self-righteousness. Contact: Lumpini Runners Club.

NOW AVAILABLE:

Pandering reassurance that your neo-fascist crusade is righteous and logical, from a smart-sounding white man in a suit. Ask for Dr. Steven Young.

WANTED:

Viable illustration of democracy that doesn’t involve indirect vote-buying. Think about it, dumbasses.