Distributor for NTN T-shirts. No, really. Watch this space.

Thai news channel that will break from royal funeral coverage when, you know, an 8.9 earthquake happens nearby.

Brass urn containing uncle’s ashes, left while drunk at WTF bar. Need urgently, as ashes know next week’s winning lottery numbers. Contact Pooky.

Competent terrorists. Bomb-making, bomb-throwing skills a must. Send audition video to: Iranian Embassy.

Prices slashed on pre-1992 high-rises. Sign five-year lease and receive free 50-meter rope ladder.