DESPERATELY SEEKING:

Good home for my third baby. Contact: Rohingya village, Burma. Please hurry.

WANTED:

Country that won’t report my holdings to the IRS. Et tu, Switzerland? For real?

FOR SALE:

Formula 1 Bangkok 2015 merchandise. Cheap. Contact: Ministry of Sports.

FOR SALE:

Condos! Townhouses! Land! For more info, see any billboard, wall, or pole, anywhere.

WANTED:

Friends who share my race, age, weight, income, politics, IQ, diet, sexual habits, linguistic limitations, alcoholism, and unspoken fear of own failures. Ask for Mike at Steve’s Bar, Udon Thani.