“In the interest of delivering a decision that is the most spineless miscarriage of justice and best represents the long traditions of this court and Thai law in capitulating to whatever external forces are the most intimidating, the Criminal Court hereby announces its retreat into chambers for another 30 days,” the court statement read in part.

The announcement surprised many legal analysts, many of whom expected the court to act in the same way it has for 40 years, weakly surrendering to their fears of powerful monarchist institutions such as the Army and finding the accused guilty without regard to any legal evidence or logic.

“The decision of the court to not decide at all suggests that its fear of the other side has finally reached relevant levels,” said Thammasat law professor Prianuch Nappasomalart. “The court is now equally terrified of the forces of reform and justice in Thai society, which has resulted in a deadlock of fear.”

International condemnation may also have played a part in the court’s newfound environment of wimpiness. Court observers included diplomats from the United Kingdom and the European Union as well as activists from Thai Netizen Network, Human Rights Watch, the Asian Forum for Human Rights and Development, The Southeast Asian Press Alliance, Freedom against Censorship Thailand, Amnesty International, Reporters without Borders, and others.

“The Criminal Court in particular, and Thai law in general, operate almost entirely on fear,” noted HRW representative Sunai Phasuk. “So if they’re scared of us, then it’s a good thing. Nothing else gets their attention.”

During the next 30 days, court officials are expected to carefully weigh the scary and bad things that might happen to them as a result of either a guilty or not-guilty verdict. According to legal experts, they will study the legal precedents of how institutions of Thai justice have been punished by power-brokers and popular uprisings in the past, and apply those learnings to the current case to determine the most cowardly, self-interested choice.

State prosecutors continue to insist that the content in the 10 postings for which Chiranuch was arrested insulted or defamed the King, the Queen or the heir-apparent under Section 112 of the Penal Code, the lese majeste law, and since these statements appeared on the webboards of prachatai.com, Chiranuch, as the webmaster, was liable, and that the Criminal Court should fear the extra-legal, hysterically reactionary hand of the military-royalist cartel above all.

However, in light of consecutive election victories by reform-based parties and the popular grassroots support for anti-establishment movements in recent years, the court may also be planning its cowardice for the long-term, by hedging its bets against the possibility of a major power shift.

In defending its decision to delay the verdict, a spokesperson for the court affirmed the court’s commitment to “Nation, religion, monarchy, and protecting its own ass.”

The deadly wall of people crushes all who straggle in its path.

At approximately 2:45 local time on Wednesday afternoon, reports of an 8.9-magnitude earthquake came from the US Geological Survey, setting off tsunami alarms in 28 countries bordering the Indian Ocean. Tragically, the alarms also caused a tidal wave of panic and mass rushing for higher land.

Casualties from the stampede were highest in Indonesia, where the majority of the 260,000 deaths in the 2004 tsunami took place. However, there were also trampling-related deaths in Sri Lanka and Thailand, where up to 45 people were killed on Kata and Karon beaches alone.

According to witnesses, the Phuket deaths were the result of the extreme obesity of the tourists fleeing the beaches, forming a “sunburned wall of greasy fat” that rolled over everything in its path.

Six tourists were also killed by a human tsunami in Krabi, where it was reported that the victims were running the wrong way towards the water, apparently in hopes of photographing the real tsunami with their iPhones, when they were cut down by a 5-meter deep wall of European tourists.

Despite the tragedy, many governments are hailing the event as a successful test of the tsunami warning system.

“We now can get people safely away from approaching water,” noted a member of the Indonesian Coast Guard. “Now we just need a way to warn the people about the other people.”

The great pretender.

Speaking from his temporary home in Laos, where the controversial coup-ousted former prime minister met with supporters for a Songkran rally, Thaksin effectively mimicked the reaction of someone being told something he didn’t know already when asked by reporters if he was taking security measures due to rumors of hit-men being sent after him.

“I cannot believe or understand why anyone would want to hurt me, as I have only tried to help people all my life,” Thaksin said with a straight face. “It’s the first I’ve heard of such a thing.”

The polarizing political figure, whose disruption of Thai society through populist rhetoric and the unprecedented consolidation of power through multiple election victories led to new divisions in society and violent protests by both supporting and opposing forces since his ouster in 2006, further expressed credible wonder at the very thought that some people might be angry with him.

“Thais are such peaceful people,” he stated, in direct contravention to immediate evidence. “Where would they find assassins?” he asked, pretending that his own rise to power didn’t require an intricate knowledge of the shadowy Machiavellian practices of Thailand’s murderous military and social elites.

Thaskin also insisted that he wasn’t taking any special precautions, claiming that he believed in karma.

“My return to Thailand will be peaceful and I hope that it is the start of reconciliation and healing,” he added, with what sounded remarkably like sincerity.

Travelers face increasingly long queues in Thailand's ancient Suvarnabhumi Airport.

“It’s never easy to say goodbye, but it’s time to look forward,” said Nirandra Theeranartsin, acting president of Airports of Thailand, as he revealed the bold new proposal for Bangkok’s new airport, scheduled to be opened in 2016 at a cost of Bt230 billion.

Government representatives from the transportation ministry took to the podium to explain the need for a new airport, including the shoddy and dangerous construction in Suvarnabhumi’s main terminal architecture, the lack of bathrooms and ergonomic traffic flow, the chaotic and inadequate Passport Control section, and the fundamental failures in the airport’s foundation.

“It’s time to admit that Suvarnabhumi, while beautiful and historical, was never built to last this long,” said Air Chief Marshal Sukumpol Suwanatat. “We simply didn’t have the technology in 2004 to create an airport for today’s modern international aviation needs.”

The committee also presented slides showing how Suvarnabhumi’s limited capacity for only 47 million arrivals per year was an insufficient improvement over the 38 million capacity of Don Meung airport which it replaced.

“There was no way to have known in the early 21st century that Thailand would, almost 10 years later, need a bigger airport with greater capacity,” Nirandra noted.

The new airport, tentatively named the Auspicious Seven International Airport in honor of His Majesty’s seventh cycle birthday, will be located on 10,000 acres of land in Nakhon Chai Si which will be expropriated from its current owner, a small holding company registered in the Cayman Islands, at a cost of Bt50 billion.

King Power, the nation’s sole concession holder for duty-free retail, has already agreed to lease the maximum legal amount of space within the new airport, an area whose boundaries will, according to Nirandra, be “strictly enforced.”

Thailand's Bt6 billion tsunami warning system.

The revelation was made by the opposition Democrats at a special news conference this morning, when spokesperson Buranat Samutrak showed what he claimed was incontrovertible evidence that the nation’s Bt6 billion tsunami warning system, installed by the Thaksin Shinawatra administration following the tsunami of December 2004, was just one person tweeting updates from a mobile phone.

“This is a perfect example of how Thaksin and his government exploited the nation’s fears and the tragic events of 2004 to line his own pockets,” Buranat said.

However, the Yingluck government was quick to deny any wrongdoing and instead praised the effectiveness of the warning system. Pheu Thai spokesperson Prompong Nopparit noted that the international media had hailed the event as a “successful test” of the system and that many media outlets had praised Thailand for learning the lessons of 2004.

“We managed to get hundreds of thousands of people away from the coast in less than 15 minutes, well in time to be safe from any tsunami, which we are grateful never materialized,” he said. “The fact that the Democrats would take this great achievement from the Thai people and make it an issue shows that they are bankrupt of ideas.”

The Democrats countered by demanding to see a fully audited report from the Office of Accounting and Oversight regarding how the tsunami warning funds were spent from 2005-2006. According to opposition claims, most of the money was used suspiciously for “feasibility studies” on committees that were composed of Thaksin cronies and allies.

Furthermore, the Democrats produced a chart showing an alleged pyramid of information that included all Thai media outlets and provincial government bureaus, leading to a single Twitter account under the name ThaiTsunamiWarning. According to their timeline, ThaiTsunamiWarning was a lone civil servant who copied and pasted AP news updates and changed the wording slightly.

When pressed by reporters, Buranat admitted that the system, while evidence of corruption, was “surprisingly effective.”

“The point is not the fact that one Tweeter can serve as a warning system in this day and age,” he stressed. “The point is the Thaksin government somehow spend Bt6 billion figuring this out.”

Nevertheless, according to a Suan Dusit poll taken yesterday, the Yingluck government was seen as having increased credibility in the wake of the successful tsunami warning drill.

In related news, the government announced progress in its Bt350 billion flood prevention project, citing the establishment of an “advanced flood warning system” budgeted at Bt4 billion.