In what the government and media are calling a “nightmarish first,” a terrorist plot by alleged Iranians involving improvised explosive devices went horribly wrong on Tuesday afternoon, resulting in a damaged non-southern taxi, four wounded non-southerners including the alleged bomber, and chaos on a non-southern city street.

As details emerge about a possible failed plot to bomb foreign targets in Bangkok, city residents demanded that the Yingluck government do more to protect the non-deep-south part of the nation from terrorist attacks.

“The presence of bombs in Thai cities that are not in the deep south is totally unacceptable,” said opposition leader Abhisit Vejjajiva. “While we will support the government’s security efforts, we will also carefully audit their policies of protecting the non-southern parts of the kingdom.”

However, Defense Minister Sukumpol Suwanatat was quick to insist that the security of non-deep-south Thailand was still well-maintained and that the isolated non-deep south incident did not constitute a genuine terrorist act.

“Non-south Thailand remains a peaceful and welcoming destination for travelers,” he said.

Additionally, Sukumpol praised the non-southern Thai police for their role in foiling the alleged bombing plot, and for placing themselves in danger to protect non-southern public safety.

“The police have control and will soon be providing updates on their investigation,” he said. “Thais not living in the south will soon know who was behind these bombs and what their motives are.”

A number of foreign embassies issued warnings to their citizens in Thailand, recommending heightened awareness. However, none went so far as issuing travel bans on non-southern areas of the country.

“We have no reason at this time to downgrade our assessment of the security of non-south Thailand,” read the U.S. Embassy statement in part.

However, many Bangkok residents expressed concern that the government was not prepared to deal with the new threats of terrorism in the northernmost 73 provinces.

“Thailand aside from the deep south has always taken pride in being a peaceful place,” said Nonthanoon Kittirakun, the bookings manager at a large hotel in downtown Bangkok. “To have bombs going off and hurting people who aren’t deep southerners goes against our values.”

A spokesperson for the Army agreed, promising that Thailand’s military would respond to the new threats to non-southern Thailand.

“It is our duty to protect all Thais who don’t live in Pattani, Yala, and Songkla provinces,” he said, “and we intend to do exactly that.”

“We’re obviously very proud of our many major feature upgrades, but the new Canadian band really establishes us in the four-star class,” said hotel general manager Piyarot Chittraphan. “Along with more finely appointed rooms and our new horizon pool, our guests can now enjoy the international pop music stylings of genuine Caucasian-looking musicians.”

Starting February 14 as part of the Kinnaree’s Valentine’s Day soft-relaunch, the lobby lounge bar, which has been renamed Whispers, will feature performances by Take 6, a seven-member cover band that comes all the way from Ottawa, Ontario.

Billing itself as a “high-energy, rock-pop-fusion group playing yesterday and today’s favourites,” Take 6 specializes in Top 40 radio hits, light hip-hop, and Latin-flavored dance tunes. With its two lead singers, light-skinned African-Canadian Reynold Waterman and former professional touring dancer Belinda Lipinski, Take 6 will entertain the patrons of Whispers Wednesdays to Sundays from 9pm to midnight.

Tuesdays night will be Samba Night, with free dance lessons from 6 to 8pm and half-price rum cocktails for ladies.

“Take 6 has played on three continents, in places as exotic and premium as the Osaka Hyatt and the Zagreb International Jazz Festival,” said Piyarot. “We’re very proud and excited to have these North American musicians represent the new Kinnaree.”

In addition to the Canadian band, the hotel has also hired non-Asian bartenders from the Ukraine to complete the lounge’s new upgraded crystal-accented decor and to serve the new gourmet martini drinks on the menu.

According to Piyarot, the new upgrades, combined with the Kinnaree’s convenient location on Surawong Road, makes the hotel an attractive choice for both tourists and businessmen. However, he believed that Whispers would also become a first-choice nightlife destination for expatriates and sophisticated Thais who were seeking an upscale night on the town.

“With Take 6, Whispers is now on par with BarSu at the Sheraton and Spasso in the Hyatt,” he noted. “Having a Canadian cover band in a hotel lounge sends a clear message that no one can mistake.”

The bar’s former house band, Manila-based Easy Train, can be seen playing nightly at the Chang Beer Garden at the Rachada Office Tower Annex courtyard, near the Lad Phrao intersection, every night until the end of February.

The survey of 2,653 people aged 19-55 in Bangkok and upcountry revealed that Thais were completely united on issues that they were not permitted to dissent upon, including support for the monarchy, the desire for national unity, and faith in Thai values and culture.

When asked whether they loved His Majesty the King “a lot,” “a whole lot,” or “more than life itself,” 100% of all respondents chose one of the above, discounting the 34% who declined to answer and were excluded from the results.

Of the 100% who chose to answer the question “How important is national unity in moving the country forward?” 55% answered “very important” while the other 45% chose “somewhat important,” thus confirming that all Thais agree on national unity.

Additionally, 100% of respondents agreed that corruption is “bad” or “very bad,” the army was “good” or “great,” and that every Thai must do “everything possible” or “almost everything possible” to protect the dignity of the monarchy.

Using the results, the sponsors of the poll concluded that the constitution should not be amended, Article 112 should not be reviewed, censorship of Facebook and Twitter were in the public interest, and that Thais continued to support the 2006 coup.

photo by khonkaen.ws

BANGKOK – The national beer garden industry appealed directly to the PT-led government for financial assistance after its worst-ever beer garden season came to an abrupt end on January 4.

With unseasonal temperatures rising to 36C and humidity up to 80%, the beer gardens of the capital city and upcountry have been devastated by low turnout and poor sales of iced lager and fried food.

“We’re looking at losses from which we may never recover,” said trade representative Mateewan Leepkunthavorn, whose organization lobbies on behalf of the beer garden industry.

“Thailand is at risk of never having another beer garden, unless someone helps us,” he added, citing claims by member companies that they are considering withdrawing entirely from the beer garden business.

Mateewan blamed the short cool season on climate change and a poor economy following the flood crisis of last year. The arrival of monsoon rains in mid-January, about seven months earlier than usual, was the killer blow.

“Many beer garden vendors are in debt, and as many as 200 Thai pop cover bands with sexy female singers and gay back-up dancers have gone unpaid,” he said.

The Yingluck government has yet to address Mateewan’s demands for Bt30 billion in bailout money. However, if they continued to be ignored, the organization said it may resort to civil actions such as protests in front of Government House.

“We will build barricades out of Singha umbrellas and white plastic chairs,” he said. “And we will dump 300 tons of unsold air-dried pork at their door. We will not be ignored.”

Budgeted at Bt350 billion, the project represents Thailand’s largest-ever public-perception construction effort, involving multiple ministries and taking up to fifteen years. However, Kittirat insists that the spending is worth it.

“The flood crisis of last year was the biggest crisis in government confidence since the 1997 economic collapse, and it requires an equivalent response in PR and perception-changing. To overcome the current deficit in public approval, Thailand must build its image like never before.”

“It’s an investment in our political future, and the future of our own children who will become politicians,” he added.

The proposed budget includes the hiring of multiple PR firms and advertising agencies to create a national campaign to win back public trust, along with the hiring of foreign experts to give seminars on flood prevention that give the impression of government expertise. Over a dozen committees will be created with high-ranking VIPs as its members to provide press conferences, photo ops, and positive headlines through 2015.

Additionally, money will be earmarked for the payoff of large developers who will then allow the government to destroy a tiny handful of the hundreds of illegal housing developments that are currently blocking the city irrigation system, thus providing material for news cameras to disseminate to the public and assure them that the government is serious and not corrupt.

Money will also be spent on public activities that give people a cursory, deceptive sense of participation in flood prevention, such as flood-awareness festivals and fundraising events, as well as school projects that ask students to create their own flood-prevention campaigns that can be briefly promoted and then ignored.

Approximately one million trees will be planted to offer a hopeful vision of prevention of soil erosion. No money will be spent, however, on maintaining the trees after the planting ceremony.

About Bt20 billion will be spent on materials and programs reminding Thais about His Majesty the King’s numerous water-management initiatives, without going into any details about how those initiatives were choked in scope and effectiveness by developers, business interests, and the apathy of elected governments over the last 35 years.

“With this multi-pronged approach to tackling the flood-prevention-appearance problem head on, we believe we can change the voters’ minds in a positive and permanent way,” Kittirat said. “It’s a lot of money to spend, but we really have no other choice.”

The opposition Democrat Party expressed measured support for the project, pending confirmation that it included sufficient spending on reconstructing and improving the BMA’s image.

A spokesman for the Army, however, expressed concern about the project’s high price tag, saying that it might end up taking money away from the military’s ongoing projects to pretend to care about national security.

“2012 is the year we’ve all been waiting for,” said fortune teller Varin Buaviratlert. “With the continued hype around the mispenterpretation of the Mayan calender predicting the end of the world, people are genuinely terrified of fabricated dangers like no other time in recent history.”

According to Varin, the year 2012 also figures prominently in a number of pseudo-scientific belief systems such as numerology, New Age cosmology, and the last season of “The X-Files” where it was chosen as the year of the alien invasion.

“You’d think a TV show that ended a decade ago wouldn’t still freak people out,” he said, “but you’d be wrong.”

Additionally, the continuing challenges in the world economy and national politics will also make it a very good year for the unscientific prediction industry, said Army fortune teller Lieutenant General Pattrasilp Sudsa-ngaun.

“Thais really want predictions about the government and Thaksin because they’re in denial of reality,” he explained. “All I have to do is announce that I had a dream that Yingluck would be overthrown and within an hour I get 30,000 web hits and a thousand links from yellow-mad groups on Facebook. It’s the world’s easiest job.”

The recent flood disasters and threat of terrorism add up to a “perfect storm of public hunger for bullshit,” said fortune teller Paweena Vasanaruengsuk.

“The flooding made people feel unsafe in their own homes. Terrorism makes them feel unsafe away from their homes. And people like me thrive on exploiting people’s insecurities,” she said.

“People want certainty and a sense of control over their lives in these uncertain times. Of course, no one can actually provide that. But just having a false sense of it is worth money. Lots of money.”

Overriding all the other concerns for 2012 is the greatest anxiety of all for the Thai people, according to predictor Phanuwat Phanwichartkul.

“As a nation and a people we’re all concerned for the health of His Majesty,” Phanuwat explained. “But since we’re not allowed to discuss the thing that we fear the most, we displace those fears into other anxieties. Thais are all feeling an itch that they can’t scratch. So we scratch it. For a fee.”

Astrology Academy director Kornharis Buasuang noted that the human reaction to fear was to seek out familiar comforts, such as family or an assuring authority figure.

“Studies have shown that fewer than 5% of humans think rationally when they are scared,” he explained. “And with economic recession, global crises, a crumbling environment, political failures at every level, rumors about our beloved monarch, superstitions about aliens and ancient calenders, all of it amplified by the hysterical, anti-scientific bullhorn of the Internet, 2012 might see human society devolve into complete mental regression.”

“Which is good for us, of couse,” he added.

Recent polls on social media and leading newspapers suggest that many revelers are choosing smaller venues this year, believing that terrorists are more likely to select large crowds and venues as targets.

As a result, small bars and restaurants are seeing a spike in bookings.

“We’re looking at the best New Year Holiday in a decade,” said Wuttisuk Peeradamrung, a member of the Bangkok Restaurant SME Association. He says members are reporting an uptick in reservations that could add up to a 200% improvement from 2007.

The association has sponsored a marketing campaign designed to capitalize on the small-is-safer sentiment, launching banner ads online and print ads in lifestyle magazines that feature a masked man holding up a ticking bomb and saying “Small groups aren’t worth my timer.”

While sponsors of large events and venues are suffering a decline in bookings, many say that they remain optimistic in the long run.

“Small venues tend to catch fire easily, you know,” said a large outdoor beer garden who asked not to be named. “People just need to be reminded about their other fears once in a while. It’s a cycle.”

“The approximately 4 billion images of the departed leader represents the single largest source of available nutrition in the country today,” said WFP head Josette Sheeran, speaking from a press conference at the WFP headquarters in Rome.

According to Sheeran, since 1997 most of the plant life in North Korea has been used to create propaganda posters flyers, and banners bearing Kim’s image. With another season of failed crops and much of the international food aid being lost to corruption, the immediate consumption of Kim’s image could save as many as 34,000 lives.

It is believed that while Kim’s image was sacred while he was alive, there could be an opportunity in the transition period to the new regime of his son Kim Jong Un, during which eating Kim’s image would be technically legal.

Sheeran downplayed criticism that eating pictures of Kim might be unhealthy or dangerous.

“Most of the food given to North Korean citizens is 90% indigestible cellulose anyway,” she noted. “Really, there’s no downside to this.”