BANGKOK -- Central Pattana Group, owner of the Central department stores, today announced a two-week-long “Let’s Pretend Nothing Ever Happened” Sale, featuring discounts on international brands as high as 70%.

“We’d like to do out part in helping the nation and city recover,” said Suthichai Chirathivat, a board member and spokesperson. “And for middle- and upper-class Thais, that means mindless materialism and complete, child-like denial. Central plans to serve up both with this sale.”

From now until the end of the month, customers can enjoy storewide savings at all non-burned Central stores throughout greater Bangkok, as well as free musical entertainment and fun activities for the whole family. Citibank and K-Bank card users can also get additional 5% savings on designated brands.

Additionally, all stores will be festively decorated with aspirational lifestyle images, sanitized photo exhibits from Bangkok’s non-political past, and meaningless, watered-down images co-opted from Thai culture which will present a false but reassuring picture of national identity and continuity.

The sale’s opening ceremony will be presided over by representatives of the BMA, who are encouraging all Bangkok Thais who have money and thus matter to go out and consume as much as possible as an act of patriotism.

In a show of co-operation, “Together We Can,” the slogan adopted by the BMA to spread peace and harmony, has been amended to say “Together We Can Own The Nice Things White People Have And Thus Be Like Them And Not Like Dark-Skinned Thais Who Have And Deserve Nothing.”

A negligible percentage of Central Pattana’s profits from the sale will be funneled to various charities of Their Majesties the King and Queen, whose generosity and compassion will take care of everything and leave the poor with nothing to complain about, ever, unless they are ungrateful terrorists.

Central stores upcounty will not be participating.