BANGKOK – The Ministry of Communications and Technology, or MICT, today released a list of over two thousand metaphors which are no longer legal in print media or online communications in Thailand.

A spokesperson for the Ministry explained that Thais were subverting the usual prohibitions on discussing sensitive subjects by using the metaphors, and thus they represented a sort of loophole that could not be tolerated.

“Just as it is illegal to use proxy servers to access banned, subversive websites, it must also be illegal to use proxy words to access banned, subversive ideas,” the spokesperson said.

Under the new law, anyone using one of the listed metaphors, or a simile version of the metaphor, is subject to up to 100,000 baht in fines and 3 years imprisonment.  A complete list of the banned literary devices can be accessed at the Ministry’s website, and includes popular phrases such as “when the leaf finally falls from the tree,” “whispers behind the wall,” and “Lady Macbeth.”

A thorough review of the list shows that almost any metaphor referring to death, generational succession, natural transformation, females in power, sibling preference, hidden corridors of power, short-sightedness, immaturity, organized systems of belief, or things happening that lead invariably to other things, is now banned. 

Academics and free speech advocates were quick to criticize the new laws as draconian, culturally problematic and subjective in enforcement.

“The use of vague, obtuse metaphors to hide the actual topic of conversation is a long and important tradition in Thailand,” said Laksana Satawedin, a professor at Chulalongkorn’s Faculty of Communication Arts. “Thai culture is all about talking about things by talking about something else. To take that away is an attack on our Thai-ness.”

Laksana began to compare the new laws to “ a blindfold for the already mute” but was stopped by a police officer at the press conference, who warned her that she was about to break the law.

Sanitsuda Ekachai, a spokesperson for the Thai Journalists Association, agreed. “Already we’ve self-censored ourselves to the point where we can’t talk about royalty, the army, the Privy Council, the Crown Property Bureau, Buddhism, monks, the ministries, or powerful businessmen. If they take away our metaphors we’ll have nothing left but football scores, celebrity gossip, and gold prices.”

“The Ministry has become like a child smashing ants with a st--” she said before quickly consulting the list of banned phrases. “Um, I mean like a child smashing…ladybugs…with a clock radio.”

Despite the criticism, the Abhisit government expressed its wholehearted support for the new laws, calling them a necessary safeguard for national security and good morality.

“The use of dangerous use of metaphors is well documented among the most radical red-shirts, as well as by fugitive terrorist Thaksin Shinawatra,” said Deputy Prime Minister Suthep Thaugsuban. “If we had these laws during the protests in May, we could have arrested the red leaders on stage. It’s a long overdue action to ensure unity.”