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(Thai local time)

World Update

	Kim Jong Il’s Pancreas Sent To Labor Camp
	Man Reduces Carbon Footprint By Dying Young
	U.S. Torture Memos: Detainee Forced To Eat At Cracker Barrel 83 Times In One Month
	Americans Insist World Baseball Classic Doesn’t Count Until Americans Win It
	Michael Phelps Smashes Record for World’s Longest Bong Hit
	Hopeless Mumbai Slum Dwellers Object To Movie About Hopeful Mumbai Slum Dweller
	72-pound Steve Jobs Says He’s Never Felt Better
	Gays Herald First Acrimonious Gay Divorce
	Dick Cheney Blinded By Sunlight
	Scientists Predict Obama To Age Terribly In Next 4 years
	Obamas Pitch Tent on White House Lawn
	Still 55 Million Idiots Left in the US
	UN Agency In Vientiane Requests Budget Bigger Than Laos GDP
	Obama Buys Lehmann Brothers With Leftover Campaign Funds
	Chinese Gov’t Arrests Babies for “Defeatist” Melamine Intolerance

Breaking News

	Queen’s Birthday Portraits Youngest Since 1977
	Anti-Red Facebook Pages Officially Abandoned By Bored Thai Middle Class
	California Wow Still Flaming
	Protestors Manage To Set Klong Alight

World Update

	Kim Jong Il’s Pancreas Sent To Labor Camp
	Man Reduces Carbon Footprint By Dying Young
	U.S. Torture Memos: Detainee Forced To Eat At Cracker Barrel 83 Times In One Month
	Americans Insist World Baseball Classic Doesn’t Count Until Americans Win It

PLACE A CLASSIFIED AD WITH NOT THE NATION TODAY.

MISSING Basic knowledge about client’s past statements and actions, recent Thai history and complex political situation. Urgently email robert.amsterdam

@amsterdamperoff.com.

WANTED New superficial identity to project to the world. Will be featured in global advertising campaign. Avoid word “smiles”. Send pitches to Tourism Authority of Thailand.

LOST Sleep. Between May 14 and May 20 in downtown Bangkok. Can’t remember last time I had it exactly. Would pay anything to have it again. Contact sub desk at AP.