Divers Open Mystery Containers; Discover 20 Million Unsold Thailand Elite Cards

SATTAHIP — Speculation surrounding the contents of several submerged containers in the coastal water off Chon Buri came to an end today when navy divers opened the rusted hulks and discovered millions of unsold Thailand Elite Cards inside. Additionally, some 300 tons of Thailand Elite Card merchandise, marketing materials, and signage have been found. “When the door was cut open we were... 

All Future Government Announcements To Be Made By Girls In Space Boots

BANGKOK – Citing falling approval numbers in recent university polls, the Democrat-led coalition government of Abhisit Vejjajiva announced today that all future statements and decrees concerning the central government would be made by young women wearing space boots. Speaking at a large press conference, the prime minister expressed hope that the new system would “bring unity to the Thai people... 

WHO Places All Of Thailand Under Quarantine After Official Spots Pig With Chicken

SINGBURI - The World Health Organization (WHO) has banned tourists from traveling into or out of Thailand after an official surveying the country saw a chicken hanging out with a pig. The precautionary measure was based on speculation that a pig with swine flu spending time with a chicken with bird flu could lead to the outbreak of a new flu virus he called “swird flu”. “Swird flu,” the official... 

Burmese Junta Overthrown By Online Petition

YANGON – Over 20 years of oppressive military rule by Burma’s unelected military junta came to an abrupt end Tuesday as the mass signing of a strongly-worded online petition to the United Nations created “irresistible pressure,” according to former supreme commander Than Shwe, who announced the peaceful surrender of power at a press conference. “We, the leaders of the State Peace and Development...