Sansern Denounces UDD Removal Of Red Clothing As “Not Very Sporting”

BANGKOK — Col Sansern Kaewkamnerd, appointed leader of the Center for Resolution of the Emergency Situation, lashed out at the red-shirted protestors decision to no longer wear red clothing. “This is a violation of the rules of engagement,” he said. “For the terrorist protestors to start looking like normal Thais is a hostile and barbaric act.” Sansern expressed concern that soldiers... 

Reds Hold Auditions For Handsome, Singing Men For Barricade Posing

BANGKOK – UDD leader Jatuporn Promphan announced open auditions for young men aged 20-28, for paid acting work as “barricade standers” at the red-shirt’s main Rajprasong protest site. “We’re looking for handsome men of all nationalities but preferably European, who have wind-swept hair and muscular chests that look good beneath slightly ripped shirts ,” Jatuporn... 

Military To Call On ‘General Humungus’ To Break Red Barricades

BANGKOK – Claiming the need to quickly resolve the current civil unrest, the Royal Thai Army today announced the hiring of an outside specialist who said he was “the Lord of the Wasteland.” The newly appointed General Humungus was introduced at a press conference by Army spokesperson Col Sansern Kaewkamnerd, who praised Humungus’ experience in attacking fortified settlements. “Humungus... 

Thaksin Denounces Gov’t Censorship as “Amateurish”

DUBAI – Deposed premier Thaksin Shinawatra launched another attack on the Abhisit government today, deriding the government’s crackdown against the press as “amateurish” and “inefficient.” “When I was prime minister I had a dedicated team of lawyers ready to sue anyone who criticized me for a hundred million baht,” he boasted in a video message broadcast to his red-shirt supporters.... 

‘Official Pick-Up Truck’ Isuzu to Sponsor New Constitution

BANGKOK – In a surprise announcement, the drafters of the new government charter have declared Isuzu Motors to be the official state pickup truck of the Kingdom of Thailand. According to CDA president Noranit Setthabutr, Article 17 of the draft now states that the “official truck for light hauling, small-business cargo transport, and dependable off-road family fun is Isuzu.” The agreement...