Fortune Tellers Predict Record-Breaking Stupidity, Profits In 2012

BANGKOK – As the year draws to a close, Thailand’s professional soothsayers and astrologers have issued their annual predictions. Their unanimous verdict is that 2012 will be a great year for their industry, concurrent with it being a poor year for human intelligence, rational thought, and deductive reasoning. “2012 is the year we’ve all been waiting for,” said fortune teller Varin Buaviratlert.... 

Bangkok’s Small Nightlife Venues Rejoice At Bomb Threats

BANGKOK – The continued rumors and threats of New Year’s bombs is finally giving small business owners in the capital something to celebrate. Recent polls on social media and leading newspapers suggest that many revelers are choosing smaller venues this year, believing that terrorists are more likely to select large crowds and venues as targets. As a result, small bars and restaurants are seeing... 

World Food Program Urges North Koreans To Eat Pictures Of Kim Jong Il

ROME – The head of the World Food Program today urged the citizens of North Korea to eat all their pictures of recently deceased supreme leader Kim Jong Il. “The approximately 4 billion images of the departed leader represents the single largest source of available nutrition in the country today,” said WFP head Josette Sheeran, speaking from a press conference at the WFP headquarters in Rome. According... 

Thailand Offers North Korea Cult-Icon Transition Assistance

PYONGYANG – In the wake of the death of Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s political, military, cultural, and spiritual leader, the government of Thailand has offered its assistance to the people of North Korea during this difficult time of cult-idol transition. “The North Koreans have known only one man, and one face, as their national symbol for many years,” said Foreign Minister Surapong Tovichakchaikul.... 

Moving Bangkok?

Some politicians have proposed moving Thailand’s entire capital city to higher ground. What do you think? Miaow Somchai Sukhumbhand Hi-So Student Shop Owner Governor “Wouldn’t it be cheaper to pay fake scientists to tell us we’re going to be okay?” “I already wrapped my storefront in Bt300 of plastic sheeting. I’m never leaving.” “Why don’t...