Possible Targeting Of Chinese Tourists Puts Shitty, 3-Star Hotels On High Alert

BANGKOK — The fallout from Monday’s deadly bomb attack on the popular Erawan shrine continued as rumors that Chinese tourists were deliberately targeted began to affect business that cater to to them. In particular, 3-star hotels with tasteless, mirror-panel decor were reported to be on raised alert as tensions remained high throughout Thailand. “Our clientele is about 90% mainland... 

Prayuth Rides Horse Shirtless, Wrestles Monitor Lizard

NAKHON SAWAN PROVINCE – Thailand’s Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-Ocha made a bold policy statement today about his administration by riding a horse while topless  in front of reporters. The press event, which was billed as a “comprehensive discussion of the important pillars of Thailand’s prosperous future” took place at the Division 3 Royal Thai Army Base in Nakhon Sawan. At 9 am reporters... 

Thai Navy Pushes Full-Moon-Party-Raver Ferry Out To Sea

Hundreds of sunburned, unshowered North American and European tourists set adrift indefinitely   KOH PHANGAN – The Royal Thai Navy has controversially refused to let a ferry full of backpackers, island party-goers, and other low-budget tourists  land on Thai soil, citing national security reasons and issues of Thai sovereignty. The Phangan Prince, a diesel-powered 150-seat wooden boat operated... 

NTN Welcomes Glorious New Junta-Appointed Editor-in-Chief

NTN HEAD OFFICE – The online newspaper NotTheNation restarted its operations today with a new executive staff appointed by Thailand’s military government. The new editor-in-chief, Brigadier General Somyut Phraemonwichitmuang, was presented at a press conference to exhibit his credentials and to announce the exciting future of the now junta-controlled news operation. General Somyut, 92, was unable... 

Thais Happy To Be Ruled By A Bunch Of Mother-Huggers

Emotional PR campaign wins hearts and minds with even more mother-hugging nationalism   BANGKOK – Citizens around the kingdom of Thailand are enjoying a special kind of happiness that only comes from the knowledge that the country is safe in the hands of total mother-huggers. Having promised to restore happiness to the people of Thailand as the center of their new post-coup government policy,...