Thai Navy Pushes Full-Moon-Party-Raver Ferry Out To Sea

Hundreds of sunburned, unshowered North American and European tourists set adrift indefinitely   KOH PHANGAN – The Royal Thai Navy has controversially refused to let a ferry full of backpackers, island party-goers, and other low-budget tourists  land on Thai soil, citing national security reasons and issues of Thai sovereignty. The Phangan Prince, a diesel-powered 150-seat wooden boat operated... 

NTN Welcomes Glorious New Junta-Appointed Editor-in-Chief

NTN HEAD OFFICE – The online newspaper NotTheNation restarted its operations today with a new executive staff appointed by Thailand’s military government. The new editor-in-chief, Brigadier General Somyut Phraemonwichitmuang, was presented at a press conference to exhibit his credentials and to announce the exciting future of the now junta-controlled news operation. General Somyut, 92, was unable... 

Thais Happy To Be Ruled By A Bunch Of Mother-Huggers

Emotional PR campaign wins hearts and minds with even more mother-hugging nationalism   BANGKOK – Citizens around the kingdom of Thailand are enjoying a special kind of happiness that only comes from the knowledge that the country is safe in the hands of total mother-huggers. Having promised to restore happiness to the people of Thailand as the center of their new post-coup government policy,... 

Army, Police Successfully Neutralize Blank Sheet Of A4 Paper

RAJPRASONG – A large-scale, coordinated military and police effort was credited on Sunday with the successful containment and suppression of a single blank sheet of A4 copy paper. The paper, which measured 8.5 by 11 inches, was apprehended  by soldiers at the corner of Phayathai and Rathawithi roads in the Victory Monument area of Bangkok at 3:47pm on Sunday, and subsequently charged with sedition... 

New Visa Rules Exclude Everyone Except Sex Tourists, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Ravers, Illiterate Troglodytes

BANGKOK – Citing the need for maintaining order and unity during the transition to reform, the Council for Maintaining Peace and Order (CMPO) announced strict new visa rules for foreigners wishing to enter the kingdom. Effective today, tourist and non-immigrant business visas will be limited only to persons whose motives for entering Thailand involve solicitation of sex workers, consumption of alcholic...