Thais Happy To Be Ruled By A Bunch Of Mother-Huggers

Emotional PR campaign wins hearts and minds with even more mother-hugging nationalism   BANGKOK – Citizens around the kingdom of Thailand are enjoying a special kind of happiness that only comes from the knowledge that the country is safe in the hands of total mother-huggers. Having promised to restore happiness to the people of Thailand as the center of their new post-coup government policy,... 

Army, Police Successfully Neutralize Blank Sheet Of A4 Paper

RAJPRASONG – A large-scale, coordinated military and police effort was credited on Sunday with the successful containment and suppression of a single blank sheet of A4 copy paper. The paper, which measured 8.5 by 11 inches, was apprehended  by soldiers at the corner of Phayathai and Rathawithi roads in the Victory Monument area of Bangkok at 3:47pm on Sunday, and subsequently charged with sedition... 

New Visa Rules Exclude Everyone Except Sex Tourists, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Ravers, Illiterate Troglodytes

BANGKOK – Citing the need for maintaining order and unity during the transition to reform, the Council for Maintaining Peace and Order (CMPO) announced strict new visa rules for foreigners wishing to enter the kingdom. Effective today, tourist and non-immigrant business visas will be limited only to persons whose motives for entering Thailand involve solicitation of sex workers, consumption of alcholic... 

Junta Insists “Protests” Just Rowdy Mainland Chinese Tourists

BANGKOK – Thailand’s new military government strongly denied the existence of anti-coup protests, suggesting that any civil disturbances being witnessed were just large groups of Chinese tourists. Speaking to reporters at a press conference yesterday, General Prayuth Chan-Ocha, the leader of the National Council for Peace and Order (NCPO), explained that incidents at Rajprasong and Victory Monument... 

Social Scientists Discover New Species Of Coup In Thailand

BANGKOK – Researchers today announced the discovery of a previously unknown strain of coup d’état, which appears to be indigenous to Thailand. The so-called subrutum militaris dimidium, or Semi-Coup, was found earlier this week in Bangkok, the capital of the coup-rich ecosystem of Thailand, by social scientists who were researching a separate project on known coup varieties. “We started seeing...