Soi Dogs End Political Neutrality

Thousands of 'Furry Shirts' march on Government House

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BANGKOK –Tens of thousands of soi dogs gathered en masse last night at Government House to voice their frustration with the rigid hierarchical nature of Thai society, dramatically ending a long-standing policy of remaining “below politics.”

Wearing furry coats, they came from every corner of the city, leaving construction sites and underpasses, doorsteps and derelict buildings, vacant lots and temples, to break their silence on Thai affairs.

Easily passing through and leaping over barricades at Makhawan Bridge, the crusty mutts were embraced with enthusiastic shouts of delight by the Red Shirts, who appeared reinvigorated by the show of solidarity from their crappy-lot sharing companions.

soi dogs
These soi dogs rose up to seize their inherent political power

A motorcycle taxi driver said he “teared up” when he spotted the very dog he had kicked earlier in the day trotting toward him. “He just sort of looked up and nodded and then purposefully strode past. It was really moving,” the driver said.

Political analysts said the strays, whom they dubbed “the Furry Shirts,” could form a powerful new bloc in Thai politics. Numbering more than 100,000 in Bangkok alone, resourceful and tough as nails, the Furry Shirts have endured injustice for as long as any other segment of Thai society. 

“Traditionally soi dogs have never taken clear sides on political matters, even those concerning their own welfare,” said Chulalongkorn political scientist Thitinan Pongsudhirak. “The dogs’ unwritten neutrality allowed them to largely avoid attention, to wander and shit where they pleased. This is clearly a major step for them, and a risky one too.”

Thitinan says it is unclear what motivated the Furry Shirts’ decision to side with the Red Shirts, although he said the dogs are reportedly led by middle-aged bitches, fed up with the charity scraps placed outside the gated homes of middle-class bitches.

In addition he said that dissent has been building ever since the publication of the popular children’s book The Story of Thongdaeng

“Ever since Thongdaeng soi dogs have had a chip on their shoulder,” said Thitinan. “The book elevated one dog above the rest and gave her special status; meanwhile the rest of the population continued to suffer as before, uneducated, scrounging to make ends meet, social outcasts given handouts one day and then kicked in the stomach the next. Thongdaeng became a symbol of everything they were not.”

That frustration clearly came to a head last night as the Furry Shirts finally took a four-legged stand. Organized and empowered, they made a statement like only they know how, creating a mountain of shit next to a river of piss at the gates of Government House – and through the night their howls could be heard, reverberating through the corridors of power and keeping many in the neighborhood turning in their beds.

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