ONLINE — Aspiring Thailand visitor and avid Reddit user ‘somethingWeird5629’ has taken to the Thailand subreddit with a new post the length of a novella, detailing an urgent plea for advice ahead of their trip in just four days. The post, described by many of the 29 other users who already downvoted it as “too fucking long,” is filled with meticulous demands for local expertise on everything from the most authentic Thai guest houses to the “ultimate bamboo Sak Yant tattoo experience,” all to be recommended by Reddit’s resident Thailand enthusiasts.
The tourist, who purchased their flight a brisk three months ago, admitted they began their planning only yesterday. “Reddit is great for newbies! I’m sure I’ll get loads of useful answers,” said the traveler, whose post reached more than 3,000 words without once checking existing threads. “I mean, yeah, I guess I could have just skimmed one of the 800,000 posts about Thailand, but my situation is special. I’m traveling for ten days–longer than most, actually–and I have a lot to get done before I leave, so it’s not like I can waste a bunch of time looking stuff up. And, I’m sure none of these pros got any of what they know by reading a book, or whatever.”
The user has requested a comprehensive list of everything they should see, do, and avoid, including but not limited to: ideal places to stay on a budget, hidden temples that are “authentic but not touristy,” a complete itinerary of Thailand’s ancient architecture, and “the cleanest tattoo parlor that specializes in traditional Sak Yant with perfect line work that doesn’t blur.”
“This is a once-in-a-lifetime trip,” they added, “so only chime in on the comments if you have a great suggestion. Also, please don’t tell me about any event or location that isn’t the best, because I plan on taking a lot of video for my blog, too.”
“Hey Locals, Hit Me Up When I Get There”
Despite posting their exhaustive request on a social media platform with thousands of posts on exactly these topics, ‘somethingWeird5629’ confessed that they wouldn’t be reading any responses unrelated to their specific itinerary. “I’m really busy this week,” they admitted, proceeding to binge five episodes of a Netflix series and browse for vintage action figures on eBay. “I’m on a tight schedule.”
The user, who is fairly certain Chiang Rai is better than Mae Hong Son but isn’t “100% convinced,” went on to ask whether the famously winding road to Pai “is as bad as they say.” They also expressed a keen hope that a veteran Redditor like Duke_of_Isaan, who they feel “really seems to know what he’s talking about,” might personally escort them through local culture over a coffee, provided the veteran’s time schedule aligned with the poster’s.
“I’ve seen Duke_of_Isaan has tons of karma points and a local family,” they noted, “so he probably has a ton of wisdom to share. If I reach out, I’m sure he’d love to meet up, too. I mean, I’m bringing a lot to the table here – like, I’ve been to Italy and negotiated with a taxi driver once.”
Thailand Itinerary? “Reddit’s Got This”
In a move that has baffled cultural experts and left travel guides around the world feeling existentially obsolete, ‘somethingWeird5629’ didn’t bother consulting any of the free resources, databases, or travel websites available online, let alone performing even the most basic of Google searches. “I don’t want some boring guidebook answer,” they scoffed. “I want the inside scoop, straight from Reddit. Why waste my time reading travel guides when there’s an entire subreddit at my service?”
Their post also included an exhaustive employment history, career aspirations, and a ten-year life plan, though why this was necessary remains unclear. “I just wanted people to know where I’m coming from and where I’m going,” they explained. “I figure once they understand me on a personal level, they’ll know exactly what kind of temples I should visit.”
Last Minute Snag
At press time, upon realizing their passport expired eight months ago, the traveler wondered if they would have to fill out a special form before being allowed to pass Immigration, or if officials would just wink and wave them through.
