LOEI — A hard-hitting piece of journalism meant for publication on NotTheNation.com has instead found itself trapped in an endless limbo of revisions, lost emails, and mutual accusations between reporter and editor.
“The journalists know they’re supposed to get their drafts to me by 1 PM on the day of publication,” said managing editor Johnny “Smokes” Callahan, rifling through his desk drawers with increasing desperation. “Goddamnit, I know I had one more pack here somewhere.”
Callahan claims the delay is entirely the fault of correspondent Chanikan “Tiger” Thassayanon, who was assigned to report on an urgent local issue but has, in his words, “blown the goddamn deadline.”
Thassayanon, however, was unimpressed. “Smokes is full of shit,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I already returned the story with his suggested edits. If he can’t find the email, that’s his problem.”
Sources close to the situation confirmed the story has now spent over 36 hours trapped in an existential no-man’s-land, bouncing between minor revisions and inexplicable editorial delays. Attempts to locate the latest version were further complicated when Callahan swore he printed it out but later realized the office printer had been out of toner for three weeks.
He then raced around the newsroom, yelling at every copydesk to search their computers and desks to see if any of them had accidentally received the edited file.
Layout designer Bow Suphanut, having lost patience entirely, took matters into her own hands. “Fuck it,” she muttered, dragging a random stock image of a confused orangutan into the article and slapping a caption under it that read, “File photo.”
At press time, after refreshing the website hoping for new content and not seeing any, NTN’s dedicated readership of nineteen people collectively deleted the website’s icon from their favorites, and went back to watching the newest episode of White Lotus.
