LOEI — Standing before a crowd of tens-of-thousands of dedicated readers, NotTheNation editor-in-chief Sherly “Prima” Watkins unveiled what she called “a bold revolution in Southeast Asian satire,” announcing the launch of NTNAI, a new system she claimed would finally “bring cutting-edge redundancy to the modern reader.” According to Watkins, NTNAI will allow audiences to instantly retrieve summaries of articles they are already reading, generate personalized headlines that are identical to existing ones, and provide “emotionally calibrated outrage recommendations” based entirely on the last three seconds of user behavior. She added that NTNAI can also autofill the search bar with the exact keyword the user just typed, and, using “hyperlocal machine learning,” ping readers whenever a story they’ve already scrolled past is updated with a comma. Watkins further noted that the project has already completed a wildly successful funding round, raising 840 million baht from venture capital firms eager to “position themselves at the forefront of pointless disruption.” She assured the crowd that NTNAI would “transform the way nothing changes.”
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