BANGKOK – Following the Royal endorsement of the new Cabinet, the ruling party announced sweeping reforms which are designed to win over the rural north and north-east parts of the nation. Prime Minister Abhisit Vejajiva presented a bold plan to re-introduce two popular aspects of Thaksinomics: micro-loans and death squads. “As the humble new caretakers of the Thai people, we must be willing to learn,” the PM said at a press conference. “Clearly some work of the previous administration proved to be popular, and we’re here to continue those programs of easy credit and extra-judicial assassination.”
Effective in January, Thai banks will ease most of their collateral terms for small business loans, which in combination with expected lowered key interest rates from the Bank of Thailand, should stimulate the economy at the grassroots level and provide “hope for a better tomorrow among Thailand’s hard-working entrepreneurs.” Additionally, roving gangs of paramilitary mercenaries with no accountability will be randomly gunning down persons who will be labeled drug dealers and whose deaths will remain uninvestigated. The Democrats are hoping that within 2009 Thailand could see 2% growth by the fourth quarter and as many as 2,500 executions devoid of due process.
Response to the proposals was measured but generally positive. “I like what they are saying but only time will tell if they are sincere,” said Thirapong Kritidanang, a former leader of the Caravan of the Poor which organized several pro-Thaksin demonstrations after the 2006 coup. “It’s good that they are paying attention to our economic needs, but so far it’s all talk. When the dead bodies start piling up, I might feel more confidence in this government.”
However, Jurin Laksanawisit, education minister and chairman of the policy-drafting committee, felt certain that the ruling party would soon win over all Thaksin loyalists. “We are dedicated to creating national unity at all costs,” he insisted. “And nothing unifies Thais like free money and the enforced disappearance of troublemakers.”
