BANGKOK – Citing falling approval numbers in recent university polls, the Democrat-led coalition government of Abhisit Vejjajiva announced today that all future statements and decrees concerning the central government would be made by young women wearing space boots.
Speaking at a large press conference, the prime minister expressed hope that the new system would “bring unity to the Thai people by reminding us of our shared values.” He then handed over the microphone over to “Bee,” a 19-year old dressed in a tight red and silver mini-dress with matching space boots and sparkling eye make-up.
Bee, a second-year student at Ramkamhaeng University’s College of Communications who has no known previous government experience, then proceeded to update the press on the government’s handling of the H1N1 swine virus outbreak containment efforts, the postponement of the ASEAN summit, and the decision to not compensate the Cambodian government for last year’s conflict over the Preah Vihear temple.
During the presentation, Bee was assisted by two colleagues Nim and Pom, also aged 19, who performed a rehearsed dance routine synchronized to the PowerPoint presentation on a large screen behind them which presented helpful visualizations of how flu virus spreads in urban populations.
Following the prime minister’s announcement, other girls in various kinds of shiny space-boot outfits representing different ministries presented highly entertaining announcements regarding BOT reduction of key interest rates, a debt-relief scheme for small farmers, and the indefinite continuation of martial law in the South.
The press conference received a standing ovation from journalists, many of whom said that it was the best one they’d ever attended.
Additionally, newscast hosts on state-controlled Thai TV and MCOT have also been replaced with girls in space boots, who will present the news while standing up, MTV VJ-style. The official Thai government website has also been updated with several flash movies of girls dancing in space boots to techno music, before unfurling banners with relevant government ministry directory information.
Already the new communication policy appears to have had positive effects. State-sponsored news has enjoyed a large jump in audience ratings, and the government website has recorded over two million hits in the week since its redesign. Significantly, a poll taken after the first space-boot girl press conference showed a marked increase in positive feelings toward the government, especially in the 18-45 male demographic.
“This is the best government we’ve ever had,” said Pornchai Wittipowong, a small business owner. “I find them to be very credible and trustworthy.” Like many others he was feeling unexpectedly optimistic about the economy after watching Gift, a 21-year old in golden spandex, report that the export sector was down 33% year-on-year for the first quarter.
Reports that the army plans to replace its PR department with girls wearing camouflage bikinis could not be confirmed at press time.
