BANGKOK – After being shown photographs of the Army’s “Life Firing Zone” signs, posted on the streets of Bangkok Saturday and broadcast around the world, Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva has admitted that Thailand is a failed state.
Confronted with the evidence by several foreign journalists, the prime minister at first winced and then started shaking his head before unexpectedly losing his cool.
“Life Firing Zone, Life Firing Zone, what does that mean? Many times I told them ‘live’ not ‘life”! Can’t they do anything right? Working in this country is fucking miserable,” he said, as several journalists nodded in agreement.
According to foreign correspondent Thomas Fuller, who was only two feet away from Abhsit during the interview, the prime minister then muttered: “ ‘French fried’…what is that? They are fried yes, but why don’t they realize they are called fries?”
One hour later, Abhsit called an abrupt press conference where, citing a complete breakdown in the rules of grammar, he asked the United Nations to intervene.
“For decades, we have been pretending that everything is okay but the reality is very different. We should not live in denial any longer. There is no such thing as Thai-style English or ‘Tinglish’, no more than there is such a thing as Thai-style democracy or ‘Thaimocracy’.”
Government spokesman Panitan Wattanayagorn then submitted 300 tons of written evidence, including restaurant menus, Ph.D. dissertations, and advertisements for high-end real estate developments, to a UN representative.
“It is clear we lack even basic grammatical principles,” Abhisit said. “There is no order to our words. We cannot put a single English sentence together. Not our leaders, not our teachers, not The Bangkok Post, not The Nation. Especially not The Nation.”
Panitan said that the details of the government’s evidence would be revealed tomorrow in a “life press conference.”
