BANGKOK – Under increasing pressure for their controversial purchase of over 500 bomb-detecting scanners that appear to be ineffective, the Thai army responded today with a firm defense of the Gt200 scanner’s ability to detect the presence of money.
“These scanners are the best we have ever used,” said deputy army chief of staff Lt Gen Daopong Rattansuwan. “They immediately pick up kickback opportunities from as far as 10 meters away.”
The government has been under fire for having approved the purchase of the scanners, spending over ฿600 million on them despite never having seen any independent testing of their efficacy at sniffing bombs. Recent journalistic exposés on the BBC have revealed that the Gt200 scanners are in fact a fraud with no actual bomb-detecting technology.
However, the various military and government agencies that have used the Gt200 scanners have been vigorous in defending the machines’ other, equally important qualities.
“Bombs are just one of the many things that we need to detect on a daily basis,” said Kriengsak Suriyo, Commander of the Border Patrol Police Bureau. “We also need to look out for money-skimming opportunities and loopholes for defrauding the Thai taxpayer. The Gt200 has outperformed all previous machines in this regard.”
With new estimates ranging as low as US$250 for the actual manufacturing price of the device, which has no actual bomb-detection technology inside its main circuit board according to a BBC investigation, the profit margin on just one Gt200 is as high as 1.3 million baht, giving it an unprecedented 99.5% kickback margin.
“No fraudulent technology has ever scored so high on the Corruption Efficacy Scale,” said Deputy Prime Minister Suthep Thaugsuban. “Even subtracting shipping costs and bureaucratic paperwork, just one of these machines can generate over a million baht in political capital, patronage enforcement, and puu yai complicity. It’s a godsend to the Abhisit government.”
With over ฿600 million already detected, procured, and invisibly distributed to Thailand’s puppet masters, the Gt200 has proven itself to be a valuable tool in the War on Democracy. “Our job is to defend Monarchy, Buddhism, and the Patronage Pyramid,” said Gen Anupong Paojinda. “The Gt200 is a weapon in that war, and I will defend it with my honor.”
