PHNOM PENH — Cambodia announced it will discard all previous official maps of the kingdom, traditionally drawn at a scale of 1:200,000, in favor of a new national standard: 1:4,500,000,000,000. The shift, unanimously approved by parliament, is intended to “more accurately reflect Cambodia’s borders in the region,” according to Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister Prak Sokhonn. Speaking from a third-grade classroom at Preah Ponlea Primary School, Sokhom gestured to a map of the solar system, and explained that the new borders define Cambodia’s sovereign territory as a disc-shaped area roughly 2.8 billion kilometers across—spanning the orbits of Mercury through Saturn and “conveniently encompassing all of Thailand.” He added, “We regret any confusion caused by earlier maps, but these new charts speak for themselves. Cambodia now considers all territorial disputes definitively settled.” As the nation’s top astrocartographers comb through ancient records for additional celestial claims, the Ministry of Land Management, Urban Planning and Construction has begun distributing rulers marked in astronomical units to all citizens. At press time, anonymous sources confirmed Thai authorities were hurriedly downloading a high-resolution map of the observable universe.
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