KOH PHANGAN — As the Gaza War rages on, hundreds of Israelis have found themselves trapped in the tropical paradise of Thailand, with dozens forced to participate in nominee schemes, and even more subjected to the harsh lifestyle of attending all-night raves, using recreational drugs at all hours, and enjoying the carefree attitude associated with imbibing expensive alcoholic drinks.
“I wish I could be back home, fully kitted out in ceramic plate carriers, Ops-Core helmets, and carrying Tavor X95s, committing war crimes against the mostly unarmed civilians of Gaza,” said Eitan Lavon, 26, of Tzamarot Ayalon.
Instead, he is stuck managing an unregistered hotel on the island, where he employs three undocumented workers from Burma for below-minimum wage.
Lavon, whose tourist visa — which explicitly prohibits employment — expired 113 days ago, said he had “no choice” but to underpay the Burmese staff, citing the daily rental rate of his Lamborghini Huracán Evo Spyder. “Shit’s expensive, bro.”
Similar stories of deprivation are easy to find across Thailand. Numerous Israelis interviewed for this story confirmed that they are trapped in an endless cycle of partying at exclusive, high-end resorts, engaging in noncommittal sexual encounters, listening to bad psytrance, and living off their parents’ credit cards.
“I wish there was something I could do to help my country, instead of just partying all the time,” said Yael Moriel, 23, of Kochav HaTzafon, while downing a shot of AVIV 613 Vodka at a bar inside an exclusive 58-room boutique villa rented just for Israelis. When it was suggested that she could resume her enlistment in the Israeli Defense Forces or join an aid organization such as Yad Eliezer, Moriel paused before replying, “No, not like that.”
“The stress of the Gaza War is real,” said Shahar Ben-David, 27, of Ra’anana, while liking a post from his second cousin deployed in Shejaiya and recovering from a friendly-fire incident. “I had to come to Koh Phangan because using my suite room number at the Carmel Forest by Isrotel as my address on the education deferment form was about to be flagged by the IDF.”
Shahar said his father managed to enroll him halfway through the semester at Thammasat University as a communications major. When reminded that Thammasat’s campus was approximately 700 kilometers away, he shrugged. Asked when he last attended class, he said, “My dad’s assistant is taking them for me online. He’s slacking, too. I saw a text from him that he got an 86 on one exam. Bruh, what is my dad paying you for?”
At press time, after Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu learned of this article’s imminent publication, he authorized a precision strike by the IDF’s Shayetet 13 commando unit on NotTheNation’s Thong Nai Pan Beach office, stating he was concerned the article didn’t conform to rigid Israeli Knesset press standards on appropriately conveying the harm experienced by young AWOL Israelis “just trying to get away from the stress of it all”.
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