Man Reduces Carbon Footprint By Dying Young

Long-lived woman in Japan cancels man's sacrifice

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SOUTHAMPTON – Spencer Atkinson, fatally struck by a bus at the age of 43, would be happy to know that his untimely death reduced his carbon footprint by 120%, his wife Janice told friends on the eve of his funeral.

The Briton was an avid conservationist who had spent the last several months changing his lifestyle in order to reduce his greenhouse gas emissions.

Atkinson was pronounced dead on the spot on Friday evening after being dislodged from the fender of a City-Link shuttle outside the Marlands shopping center. Now that Atkinson will never turn on another light, scientists estimate that his carbon footprint will be at least half that of a man who completed a typical lifespan.

“Spence was always shutting off the air-conditioner, unplugging the TV and things like that. The fact that his premature death will help the environment would have chuffed him to pieces,” his wife Janice said.

Several scientific journals have recently published studies suggesting that shorter lifespans could help conserve the earth’s resources and that if others followed in Spencer Atkinson’s path it would significantly help the planet’s environment.

That information has allowed Janice Atkinson to take a certain amount of pride in the loss of the man who was her husband and the father of her three-year-old son.

“He was becoming a bit tiresome with all of his green habits, but Spence was just ahead of his time,” she said.

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