MANCHESTER – In a surprise announcement that has stunned and confused the football world, English Premier League team Manchester City has announced the signing of 20 new players with no professional experience and dubious athletic skills. Calling the move a “bold initiative to expand Man City’s fan base,” head coach Sven-Goran Ericsson presented the news at a morning press conference that the entire cast of “Academy Fantasia 4,” a popular reality-television singing contest in Thailand, would be playing for Man City’s first team.
When asked by surprised reporters from the British press what specific qualities the 20 young Thais, none of whom have played football at any competitive level, would bring to the top-flight side, the Swede replied that “Developing young talent is always at the heart of any forward-looking coaching strategy.” Ignoring repeated requests to confirm whether this was all a joke, he continued to laud the “possibilities of foreign talent in bringing diversity to the English game.”
Meanwhile in a separate press conference in Bangkok , the newest Man City players posed for photographers with their new blue-and-white home kit. AF4 winner “Nat” Sadtakorn (v1) said that he was especially excited to be trying out a new celebrity career, especially since his solo album has not sold well. “We’re going to show the world what we can really do!” he cried with a pumped fist, to the cheers of his new teammates and a gathering of mostly teenage fans who had gathered nearby.
First runner-up Wantongchai Intarawat (V9) added, “We are so proud to be representing Thai people. I hope they let me be the goalie – I can’t kick very well.” His concerns were echoed by Hathaichat “Catt” Siriyotpinyo (V11), who admitted to not being much of a sports person, but who was nevertheless proud to be the first woman signed to a Premier League side. “I hope I can meet David Beckham,” she noted, apparently unaware that the former Manchester United winger was now playing in Los Angeles.
Media analysts in both Thailand and the UK have been quick to speculate that the signings may be related to Manchester City’s ownership by deposed Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, whose purchase of the popular team and subsequent signing of several Thai national team players is perceived by many –including some vocal members of the ruling junta—to keep himself ingratiated to the football-mad Thai public. Ericsson was quick to dismiss such speculation as unfounded, insisting that Pattanapon “Man” Mintakin (V13) had been already scouted by Italian giants Juventus.
Officials of the English FA have cautiously welcomed the move, although an unnamed official commented that work visas may be an issue. But UEFA president Michel Platini, an advocate of new rules limiting the number of foreign players on European teams, has decried the mass signings as “detrimental to the English game.”
Following a series of thorough physicals, the 20 young Thais will report to training in Manchester in February, where they will be housed together in a huge 35-room mansion outfitted with cameras which will follow their lives as they train for their first game, an away match against Newcastle. TRUE cablevision has secured exclusive rights to the footage, which will be broadcast on a special channel for Gold and Platinum subscribers.
