BANGKOK – In a new development expected to settle the political crisis in the Kingdom as well as take democracy to entertaining new heights, TrueVisions announced Friday that all major parties had agreed to form the cabinet by participating in a new reality TV program. At a press conference at Government House, the leaders of the PPP, the Democrat Party, Chart Thai, Puea Pandin and several other smaller parties jointly announced the decision in an unusual show of unity.
“This is the most democratic way to choose,” said new House Speaker Yongyuth Tiyapairat of the People Power Party. “We will let the people listen to the voices of the candidates themselves.”
Although power-brokering and back room deals have already resulted in the selection of many cabinet members, the role of premier remains controversial and sensitive. According to Attaphon Na Bangxang, executive programming director for TrueVisions, the impasse required some lateral thinking. “We felt this was the most appropriate way for Thais to determine their future,” he explained.
Under the rules of the new reality TV program, all party leaders will live together in a large house with a swimming pool, where they will train with some of Thailand’s top vocal and dance trainers over a six-week period. Every Saturday night they will perform two songs each at a concert held at IMPACT Arena in Muang Thong Thani. The general public will vote by SMS, and the lowest-scoring contestant will be eliminated. The winner will become Thailand’s new leader, once approved by Royal Decree.
Samak Sundaravej, the leader of PPP, expressed confidence that he would easily defeat all competitors. “None of the others can come close to me in either stature, experience or vocal range,” he said. “I’ve been singing for 60 years. My lungs can inhale more air. I will blow them off the stage like Communist students.” According to his biographers, Samak has a deep baritone well-suited to love ballads and folk songs.
Chart Thai leader Barnharn Silpa-archa expressed more measured optimism: “I can sing anything that anyone wants to hear at any given time,” he claimed. “I can even switch tunes in the middle of a song without missing a beat.”
Perhaps the most anticipated performances will come from the youthful Democrat Party leader Abhisit Vejjajiva, whose boyish good looks and reputedly slick dance moves may make him especially popular among female voters. “I know a lot of pop songs that I think Thais should be familiar with,” he promised, before singing the first lines of the “Eton Boating Song,” which left the reporters silent and baffled.
TrueVisions denied rumors that former Chart Thai member and charismatic political iconoclast Chuwit Kamolvisit, whose hip-hop single “I Smash (da Piggies of Cash)” continues to climb the charts, would appear as a surprise musical guest in the inaugural concert.
