EMPORIUM MALL – Yet another otherwise perfectly wearable shirt was ruined by the addition of unnecessary flourishes, reported two shoppers today at the Jaspal clothing store at the Emporium Mall.
According to Matthew Rendall, 25, and Brett Freen, 31, both American expatriates, the blue cotton-knit short-sleeved shirt in question was “95% perfect” and would have been purchased if the Jaspal designer hadn’t decided “to add a stupid strap on the bottom for absolutely no friggin reason.”
The addition of the strap was especially egregious because it was almost unnoticeable, according to Rendall, who didn’t see it until he tried the shirt on and was admiring the fit. “Then Brett goes ‘Dude, what’s that shit down there?’ and I’m all like fuck, not again. I mean the shirt was just fine. Why do they have to always add those lame buttons and straps and frills?”
After briefly considering buying the shirt anyway and then removing the strap with a razor, Rendall gave up after Freen reminded him of the disastrous results of last year’s similar attempt to remove two “gay biker” epaulets from an otherwise perfectly good black denim jacket.
