BANGKOK — A Thai candidate for prime minister, Mongkolkit Suksintharanont, has scooped NotTheNation, Thailand’s #2 satire site, with a brazen list of policies that border on satire. “Thai women should have a bunch of husbands—up to four, I suppose—assuming all parties are informed and everybody gets warm fuzzy feelings just thinking about it,” said Mongolkit. The candidate for the Thai Alternative Party also proposed a Thai space force, cash payments for women getting pregnant, and believes the Thai Kingdom should look into acquiring nuclear weapons. “Holy shit, have you seen these proposals?” Asked NTN Chief Editor Sonny Bonds to the night janitor, Sang, who was in the NTN global headquarters to help shred incriminating financial documents. “Why didn’t we come up with these, first?” Sonny muttered to himself, while taking a long pull from a nearly empty bottle of Johnny Walker Black. “Thailand getting access to nuclear weapons? That is above-the-fold satire right there. That could kick off a regional cold war between the Thais and the Cambodians. And no way would Burma or Vietnam sit it out. The entire Indochinese Peninsula would become a hotbed of spies and counterintelligence operatives. That’s material for a hundred years.” Sonny then speculated wildly about whether Thailand’s number two satire site could afford to bring Mongolkit on as a staff writer. “Would he take a cold plate of Khao Klug Prik Glua in exchange for 300 words?” he mused aloud. Sonny then went on to poke fun at the idea that Thailand could successfully build a series of vehicles worthy of withstanding the vacuum of space, noting the several recent infrastructure failures the country had seen at the hands of ITD. “On the other hand, Italian Thai Development Corporation getting the contract for a space launcher facility is peak irony.” At press time, Mongolkit had countered by asking for a 200 baht gift card to Shoppee.
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