BANGKOK – As the Election Commission continues its investigation into several political parties and withholds endorsements of 147 candidates, the possibility that Thailand must endure yet another election in the near future has sent the population into a deep, nationwide state of depression.
With almost every political entity currently involved in some kind of petition or legal action to overturn, disqualify or nullify undesired results, winning candidates or rival parties, the possibility of the nation having to experience the exhausting and soul-destroying process of selecting national leadership once again looms like a monsoon, sucking all joy out of even those who are ostensibly in favor of it.
“We feel the country deserves a fair and free election,” said a visibly listless outgoing Democrat deputy Suthep Thaugsuban. “The evidence clearly shows Pheu Thai broke the law, and must be disbanded…” he said before trailing off at a recent news conference.
“Oh what’s the point,” he continued. “They’re just going to form another party and beat us again.”
In addition to the Democrats pushing for PT dissolution, the People’s Alliance For Democracy has launched its own passionless campaign for annulling the election on the grounds that new mail-in balloting rules disenfranchised million of voters.
“I was denied the right to vote, along with millions,” mumbled a tired-looking Chamlong Srimuang to reporters on Tuesday. “We deserve our chance to add our voices to the tally. Not because it will change the outcome, but because, um, we want to vote ‘no’ to the election and so we need another election, I mean, um, hold on….”
Chamlong then shook his head and walked off silently.
Even the apparent victors of the historic July 2 election appear to be weighted down by some kind of existential crisis as they face a battle for validation. In announcing their campaign to disqualify the Democrat and Bhumjaithai parties for EC law violations, PT spokesperson Pornchai Korwattanamadol insisted that the party was unafraid of repeating the balloting.
“We’ll always win, because we have the people’s support,” he said. “Even if we have to change our name, again, and campaign for weeks, again, and hold a hundred press conferences and rallies and travel the country’s provinces again, and again….”
Pornchai then put his face into his hands and began weeping.
“Just kill me now,” he whispered.
Voters from all sides of Thailand’s political divides seem equally downtrodden at the idea of another election, with 90 percent of respondents in a recent Dusit Poll describing another election this year as “less desirable” than any other option including martial law, Thaksin’s return, another tsunami and the collapse of the economy.
Additionally, 34 percent of respondents said that they would seek asylum in another country, possibly Cambodia or Malaysia, if forced to endure another Thai election.
The Thai Journalists Association yesterday issued a statement flatly refusing to cover any more elections until 2015, including but not limited to candidate interviews, rally coverage, political analysis, policy comparison or self-righteous editorials on the state of Thai democracy.
“Please have mercy on our sanity,” said TJA spokesperson Sanitsuda Ekachai. “Our members are begging their editors to let them write celebrity gossip columns, or horoscopes. They’re threatening to resign en masse and go into advertising rather than face another season of Thai politics.”
International new agencies also threatened a full boycott if Thais were forced to return to the polls.
“Look, we sold the Thai election story for three months as ‘historic’ and ‘crucial’ because it had a nice threat of post-election violence built into it,” explained CNN Asia bureau chief Sarah Crandalman. “But if it’s just going to lead to another election, forget it.”
The Associated Press was even more damning in its assessment of what another election would do to Thailand’s image around the world, threatening to demote Thailand to the travel and lifestyle sections of the news cycle indefinitely in the event of another election.
“It’s back to beach hotel reviews, sex tourism exposes and Songkran photo essays for you Thais,” said AP vice bureau chief Vipul Preejah. “We did it for the Philippines and we’re not afraid to do it again.”
In the face of mounting pressure, EC secretary general Suthiphon Thaveechaiygarn has made assurances that the commission will do everything in its power to reach a fair but satisfying conclusion to the election results, leading to speculation that unnamed third parties may be interfering in the process.
UDD leaders have gone so far as to accuse the army of pressuring the EC to nullify the election and immediately schedule another one, turning the people of Thailand away from political participation and setting the stage for a welcome coup.
“It’s the ultimate weapon against democracy,” explained UDD leader Veera Musikhapong. “Reminding us what a miserable, miserable process it really is.”
