Ta Muen Thom Temple — Acting Thai Prime Minister Phumtham Wechayachai declared war against Phnom Penh today after a Cambodian, whose exact purpose at the temple remains under review, deployed a pointing gesture at Thai army troops.
“Pointing is an act of open and hostile aggression against our army troops, and we take that threat seriously,” said Phumtham Wechayachai, citing an incident report filed by Lt. Gen. Boonsin Padklang, commander of the 2nd Army Region and responsible for troops along the Cambodian frontier.
According to after-action summaries from Thai army officers stationed at Temple Ta Muen Thom, which translates as “Great Temple of Grandfather Chicken”, the violent pointing incident occurred as a Thai army soldier stood near the border and took a drink of water from his standard-issue canteen.
“I had just clipped my canteen back onto my belt when I looked up and saw a woman raise her arm,” recalled 1st Lieutenant Chanon Suriyapol. “And then she pointed at me. I mean, she pointed right at me.” After securing the area against further threats, immediate medical attention was provided to Lt. Chanon. “I was treated for acute directional aggression and mild dehydration,” he added.
Numerous witnesses confirmed the incident. Several soldiers, while technically declining to comment, nonetheless were able to provide full and emotionally vivid accounts direct-to-camera to nearby media.
“It caught us completely off guard,” said one soldier, requesting anonymity due to not being authorized to speak to the press. “Which is ironic, since guarding is literally our job.”
“In all my years along the border, I’ve never seen pointing that aggressive,” said another soldier, speaking on the record but refusing to give his name out of fear Cambodian forces might retaliate by posting pointing memes on his personal Facebook page. “Our training never covered that kind of gestural hostility. It was deliberate. They knew what they were doing. I guess they just want war.”
Traveling to the temple where the incident took place, Prime Minister Phumtham Wechayachai addressed the nation in a press conference. “We’ve long monitored the Cambodian military’s development of non-defensive gestural systems, including sustained pointing and rapid directional indication, but to unleash it against a peaceful Thai soldier is crossing a red line. And as they say, a red line is also a red flag.”
When asked if the woman might have been some sort of sleeper agent, secretly employed by the Cambodian Armed Forces, and trained to purposely escalate tensions between the two countries, the prime minister declined to answer.
When pressed on whether the confrontation could be contained to a limited “pointing war”, Phumtham said he was unsure if that were possible, but he would confer with the top generals to see what options were realistic. “Thailand is a proud nation. We don’t tolerate being pointed at. The psychological impact is obvious. Just imagine if this had been a civilian, or even a baby. Or worse. What if it had been a respected travel influencer?”
Members of the public and the press collectively shuddered at the idea that a baby or an influencer could have been harmfully impacted by the foreigner’s belligerent actions. Phumtham confirmed that the Tourism Ministry had contacted Yelp to request contextual edits to any negative reviews of Thailand involving pointing, and that all responsibility for the incident had been retroactively attributed to Cambodia. Meanwhile, the Foreign Ministry has lodged a formal complaint with the United Nations under Article 6.3 of the Convention on Cross-Border Gestural Conduct.
At press time, Phumtham confirmed that the Thai Army would be erecting a giant military-grade mirror along all 817 km (508 miles) of the Cambodian border, featuring a 99.7% reflectivity across the visible spectrum.
“Let’s see what happens when the finger points back at them.”
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