BANGKOK — Citizens around the kingdom of Thailand are enjoying a special kind of happiness that only comes from the knowledge that the country is safe in the hands of total mother-huggers.
Having promised to restore happiness to the people of Thailand as the center of their new post-coup government policy, the National Council for Peace and Order, or NCPO, has launched an aggressive PR campaign assuring Thais that the nation is under mother-hugging military rule.
Central to the campaign is a widely distributed video of a young, handsome soldier who plays guitar in a band that sings patriotic songs. The film ends with a powerful image of the soldier hugging his mother, along with the message that the army, together with the Thai people, will work together for a brighter and more prosperous future, because they are all mother-huggers. The video is set to a version of “Return Happiness to the People,” a song that was written by self-appointed Prime Minister and coup leader General Prayuth Chan-Ocha.
Reaction to the portrayal of Thailand’s mother-hugging totalitarian government has been almost universally positive.
“I absolutely love that video,” said a middle-aged woman shopping at Tesco Lotus On Nut, where the video has been playing on a repeated loop on LCD televisions above the cash registers. “It shows us what we have always known in our hearts, that the Thai army is our most mother-hugging institution.”
A cashier agreed with her, saying “Anyone who questions whether the coup was right just needs to watch this mother-hugging video a few hundred times like I have. Our soldiers are the mother-hugging best!”
The current junta, which overthrew Thailand’s elected government in a bloodless May 22 coup, has enjoyed high approval ratings in Bangkok, despite suspending all civil rights and maintaining a repressive control on the press and media. Outside the capital city and especially in the rural Northeast, support for the overthrown Thaksin government has motivated the NCPO to reach for even greater heights in acting like mother-huggers.
The recent appointment of the new cabinet, composed largely of old-guard military generals and elderly social conservatives, was seen as an especially crucial moment for Prime Minister General Prayuth Chan-Ocha. Speaking at a press conference announcing the new cabinet, Prayuth assured everyone that he was the biggest mother-hugger of all.
“The kingdom has always been ruled by mother-huggers, who abide by the dictates of serving mother-hugging nation, mother-hugging monarchy, and mother-hugging Buddhism,” he said. “We intend to show the people of Thailand and the international community that we are, despite what anyone says, the world’s most unquestionably sincere mother-huggers.”
“I’ve been a mother-hugger all my life,” he added. “Just ask anyone who knows me.”
Thailand’s embrace of their mother-hugging overlords is not unexpected, according to social critic Sulak Sivaraska.
“Thais have a special place in their hearts for mother-huggers, whether it’s in politics, business, or even their religion,” he explained. “Mother-hugging behavior is what binds us, from the lowest peasant to the highest puu yai. So for a government, especially an unelected one, to gain legitimacy in the people’s eyes, they need to be seen as mother-huggers in every way.”
“In a sense, Thais demand to be ruled by mother-huggers.”
On the streets of the capital of the non-democratic country, the happiness of being ruled by mother-huggers appears to be infectious. T-shirts can be seen for sale bearing the colors of the Thai flag, with the message “Just Hug It All” emblazoned across the front in both English and Thai script.
One man selling street food perhaps summed it up best: “I’m a mother-hugger. My friends are mother-huggers. The PDRC was a movement of mother-huggers. The army are lifelong mother-huggers.”
“And if anyone doesn’t like it, they can get out of Thailand and go hug themselves.”
