Thaksin Feigns Shock At Reports People Want To Kill Him

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VIENTIANE – Fugitive premier Thaksin Shinawatra pretended to be surprised yesterday when told of reports that there might be assassination attempts being planned.

Speaking from his temporary home in Laos, where the controversial coup-ousted former prime minister met with supporters for a Songkran rally, Thaksin effectively mimicked the reaction of someone being told something he didn’t know already when asked by reporters if he was taking security measures due to rumors of hit-men being sent after him.

“I cannot believe or understand why anyone would want to hurt me, as I have only tried to help people all my life,” Thaksin said with a straight face. “It’s the first I’ve heard of such a thing.”

The polarizing political figure, whose disruption of Thai society through populist rhetoric and the unprecedented consolidation of power through multiple election victories led to new divisions in society and violent protests by both supporting and opposing forces since his ouster in 2006, further expressed credible wonder at the very thought that some people might be angry with him.

The great pretender

“Thais are such peaceful people,” he stated, in direct contravention to immediate evidence. “Where would they find assassins?” he asked, pretending that his own rise to power didn’t require an intricate knowledge of the shadowy Machiavellian practices of Thailand’s murderous military and social elites.

Thaskin also insisted that he wasn’t taking any special precautions, claiming that he believed in karma.

“My return to Thailand will be peaceful and I hope that it is the start of reconciliation and healing,” he added, with what sounded remarkably like sincerity.

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