PHUKET — A young visitor to the Kingdom has been irrevocably emotionally scarred by his repeated encounter with local women wearing colored contact lenses, sources report.
Dylan Mussberg, aged 8, from Vancouver, has been holed up in his family’s hotel room at the Phuket Sheraton since 8am this morning, refusing to unlock the bathroom door until his parents, Marty and Vanessa Mussberg, promise him that they won’t make him go out to “where the werewolves are.”
According to his frustrated parents, Dylan’s encounter with dark-haired Thai women wearing green, hazel, or blue contact lenses has convinced him that Thailand is infested with carnivorous supernatural creatures like the ones he has seen on TV.
The first encounter was at the hotel’s check-in desk the previous evening, when Dylan freaked out upon receiving a wai from Guest Services coordinator Nipacha Tongsorn, who wears aquamarine Ciba Freshlook lenses. Dylan screamed “Werewolf!” and ran down the hallway.
The problem was compounded the next day at the beach when Dylan encountered a group of female university students who all had unnatural-looking colored eyes. According to his mother, Dylan called them “day walkers” – some kind of reference to super-powerful werewolves or vampires that could withstand sunlight – and has refused to leave the hotel room ever since.
According to child psychologist Dr. Morgan West, a specialist in colored-contact related child traumas, the proliferation of oddly-colored irises is especially damaging to first-time visitors to Asia.
“A Caucasian woman with obviously fake eye color is merely gaudy and cheap-looking,” she said. “But an Asian woman wearing them doesn’t even look human. Children are very intuitive when they see something that’s just wrong.”
