BANGKOK – Today NotTheNation observed solidarity with its fellow news publications for the traditional annual “April True Day” celebration, wherein news outlets worldwide take a short and often humorous break from the year-long fabrication of fake news to publish a single story based on fact and actual reporting of the world at large.
“We’re always excited to stop making up news for one day and try something different,” said Fox News’ Washington editor Brit Hume. “After 364 days of exhaustively fabricating realities such as the ‘Christian Nation’ theory of US history, George Bush’s foreign policy cohesion and the fact that socialized medicine will leave us all dying on the streets, we can finally go a little nuts and try something true.” His sentiment was echoed by Larry King of CNN, who records up to 300 fake-news interviews a year on such bogus topics as “Angels: Are They Real” and “Terrorists on Main Street.”
“For April True’s I’m going to ask an actual evolutionary biologist, not a priest, whether there is a God, and he’s going to laugh for a whole minute,” said King. “Then I’m going to ask him whether statistically, black people do have lower IQs, women have weaker reasoning skills, and Asian men have smaller penises, and he’s going to scream ‘Yes!’ I can’t wait.”
Financial reporters were also looking forward to the one-day break from ironic and fictional reporting. While Wall Street Journal managing editor Marcus Brauchli declined to give specifics, he hinted that the April 1 edition would represent a “total break from our usual propagation of the myth of amoral free-market capitalism as panacea for the world’s ills.” Closer to home, Thai newspapers also prepared for the big day with a full serving of news articles that breached their usual code of avoiding discussion of actual issues behind the conflicts in Thai society.
“We’re thinking of doing an expose on Buddhism and how all Thai temples are corrupt and meaningless capital enterprises fleecing the gullible masses who are too irrational to comprehend their own nakedness,” said Sutichai Yoon, editor-at-large of The Nation newspaper. “Either that, or maybe a story about how Sufficiency Theory is a joke, or how the real crimes of Thaksin Shinawatra were never pursued by the coup-makers because the Army was complicit in all of them.” Yoon admitted that it was almost too much for a single day, and expressed some sadness that on April 2 it would be “back to our normal writing: love the King, obey the Buddha, trust the sound bites.”
A spokesperson for state-controlled MCOT declined to speak to NTN about its plans for April 1, but rumors on Panthip.com have speculated for weeks that the lead story might be anything from the royal family’s actual wealth, hidden camera footage of senators having sex with their mistresses, or the approximately US$12 billion in support and trade supplied to the Burmese junta by state-owned firms.
Famous previous “April True Day” reporting include George Plimpton’s 1985 article in Sports Illustrated about a New York Mets prospect named Sidd Finch, who could throw a 168 mph (270 km/h) fastball with pinpoint accuracy; British magazine Classic CD’s announcement of the discovery of the first recording ever made by Frederic Chopin; the Maryville Daily Forum newspaper’s entirely true front page in 2005 including stories detailing a plan to drain a local lake to find the city manager’s lucky golf ball; and UK Guardian journalist “Olaf Priol” report that Chris Martin of rock band Coldplay had decided to support UK Conservative Party leader David Cameron due to his disillusionment with Tony Blair. All stories were later retracted as “April True Jokes”, followed the next day by a resumption of total lies.
