BANGKOK — In a groundbreaking announcement earlier today, Thailand’s Minister of Transport, Saksayam Chidchob, assured the nation that goods would continue to be moved by truck. In a press conference held at the Ministry of Transport, Chidchob stated with unwavering confidence, “We will, indeed, use trucks. The rumors of trucks stopping are completely unfounded.”
The announcement came as a relief to millions of Thai citizens who reportedly feared the government might abandon the deeply beloved practice of moving things around the country using trucks. “I was genuinely worried,” said Pakorn, a long-haul driver for Chaopraya Logistics. “If they told me tomorrow we had to move everything by drone, I’d be lost. Have you ever tried to put a whole load of durians on a drone? Impossible. Trucks are the only way to go.”
Economists and logistics experts greeted the news with a mix of relief and confusion, with some noting the announcement was “both timely and timeless,” given that trucks have been the nation’s primary mode of transportation since, well, there were trucks. “Thai people love trucks. I mean, really love them,” remarked Chanin Manopiniwes, Infrastructure Economist for the World Bank. “For many, trucks are not just a way to move goods, but a way of life. Whether they’re moving vegetables, furniture, or small bits of mysterious metal, it’s all about the truck.”
In his statement, Chidchob highlighted the versatility of Thailand’s fleet of transport vehicles, listing off an impressive array of Thai trucks, from the ubiquitous Isuzu Elf – complete with optional rainbow decal – to the heavy-duty Hino 500 Dominator, renowned for its carrying capacity and ability to fit “an absolutely astounding amount of random stuff in the back.”
“We’re talking bags of rice, crates of mangoes, an assortment of unidentifiable mechanical parts, and sometimes, a family of six,” Chidchob continued, adjusting his glasses. “And the wheels, let’s talk about those. We’re not just any truck-loving nation. We’re a nation that likes to customize the heck out of them. Some trucks have blue rims. Some even have a pink-and-purple combo. Every day on the road is a new rainbow adventure.”
When asked if the government had any plans to reduce road congestion by moving more freight to rail, a visibly perplexed Chidchob paused, looking slightly bewildered before responding, “Trains? No, we’re talking about trucks here. This is a serious press conference.”
Meanwhile, the State Railway of Thailand issued a quick follow-up statement, hoping to remind the public that trains “still exist and are actually pretty cool too.” A spokesperson added, “We can haul things. Big things. Or, you know, whatever you’d put on a train. If anyone remembers, please call us. We’re standing by.”
The announcement also sparked fresh enthusiasm for Thailand’s small-scale trucking community, with local truck owners pledging to continue their robust support for “moving things via truck” in their own unique way. “We’re dedicated to making sure each truck looks more like an explosion at a carnival,” said Somchai, a truck owner in Nakhon Sawan, who recently installed a massive loudspeaker system to blast both Thai country music and frequent price announcements of seasonal produce.
Analysts predict that, given today’s announcement, Thailand’s dedication to the tradition of moving things via truck will only deepen. When pressed for what exactly the announcement meant for the future, Chidchob assured everyone, “There will be more trucks and more things to put in trucks. Big trucks, little trucks. Boxes, canisters, maybe even a sofa or two. If it’s too heavy for a motorcycle, it’s going in a truck.”
In closing, the Minister hinted at an upcoming partnership with the Ministry of Decorative Arts to ensure no Thai truck is left unadorned. “Trucks are our heritage, and no nation in the world appreciates the power of a truck decal quite like Thailand,” he said proudly, giving a thumbs-up to the reporters present.
At press time, the Ministry of Transport was also considering issuing an advisory on whether it’s better to have a loud horn or multiple air horns, but an official decision on that is still pending.
