RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA – Having retired from swimming to focus full-time on smoking pot, Michael Phelps obliterated the record for the world’s longest bong hit at a college party last night in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Taken from a three-storey water pipe constructed by the brothers of the University of North Carolina’s Phi Gamma Delta fraternity, the 14-time gold medalist’s bong hit was recorded at a stunning 87.34 seconds, besting the previous record by 29 seconds.
After the hit, Phi Gamma Delta president Brad Bollinger presented Phelps with a gold medal made from Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrappers.
Asked to compare the feeling of winning eight gold medals at the Beijing Games to this latest triumph, Phelps said, “God, I would love some cornflakes now.”
Most of those in attendance who could remember the bong hit described it as “rad.”
“There were a few times after about a minute when it looked like he needed a breath,” said 20-year-old stoner Matt Lawson, “but then he just sort of found this extra gear and powered through. When he finally took all the smoke into his lungs in one giant breath, the whole place went crazy.” Witnesses reported the Olympic champion was still releasing the smoke from the hit hours later.
Phelps’ mother, Debbie, who is typically on hand for her son’s achievements, was conspicuously absent, although Phelps did reportedly have an extremely awkward conversation with her on the phone later that night.
