BANGKOK – Saturday’s highly-publicized “lai nam” ritual, organized by City Hall’s senior members, has been declared a total failure as Water Goddess Ka Kang has openly refused the appeal.
The ceremony, which was presided over by Bangkok Governor Sukhumbhand Paribatra, took place at the City Pillar and was scaled down after word of the event leaked out and drew criticism in the press and on social media networks.
Today’s direct response from the office of the Goddess herself further confirmed that the event was ill-advised as a part of flood preparations as northern runoff heads towards the capital.
According to a leaked copy of a memo sent by Ka Kang’s secretary, the Water Goddess, who controls rivers, tides and rainfall, was deeply offended by the BMA’s ceremony which asked her to spare Bangkok and end the flooding quickly.
“Her Holiness The Water Goddess Ka Kang completely and without qualification rejects the appeal from the Bangkok Metropolitan Authority,” it read.
Furthermore, the memo went into specific detail about the BMA’s audacity and hypocrisy in making the appeal, noting the disrespectful water policies and usage by the city’s government and residents.
“The Goddess would like to remind the people that for decades, her rivers have been treated as open sewers for their industrial and personal waste, and as a transport highway for carrying their trade,” read one paragraph. “And yet The Goddess’ generosity is rewarded with yet more exploitation and abuse.”
Citing pollution, mismanagement and overfishing as the principle violations of the sacred pact she had with the Thai people, Ka Kang declared that Bangkok was the “center of the hive of small-minded evil” due to its ravenous capitalism-driven development, and the symbolic headquarters of the industrial development that had dumped millions of tons of toxic chemicals into her rivers.
“Your appeal for salvation is that of ants to the child whose flesh it has bitten ,” the memo concluded. “And so shall you be trampled beneath the feet of vengeance that has displaced forever-lost innocence.”
“Fuck you, Bangkok. The Water Goddess has spoken.”
Governor Sukhumbhand initially denied the veracity of the memo, but then relented and admitted that the “lai nam” ritual was “not entirely successful.”
Meanwhile, the Irrigation Department repeated its warning that convergence of seasonal Gulf tides and northern runoff later this week would almost certainly overwhelm the city’s floodwalls in three districts, and that the BMA would eventually have to choose between opening the watergates and letting the klongs flood inner city neighborhoods, or risk the collapse of the main wall protecting the central business district.
However, Sukhumbhand insisted that there was still hope, since the “lai nam” ritual also included the paying of homage to a Buddha statue in the posture known as “Stopping the Ocean.”
“We haven’t heard from Lord Buddha yet,” he said. “Let’s see what he says.”
