SAN DIEGO – After watching their national team lose in the semifinals to Japan, who went on to defend their title with a second consecutive trophy, baseball fans in the United States vehemently denied any possible significance of the World Baseball Classic.
“It doesn’t really count,” said Major League Commissioner Bud Selig. “It’s more like an exhibition series, where we invite foreigners to take part in our national pastime for a few days.” However, Selig was confident that the US would win it “for sure” next time, making it a “legitimate test of the world’s best.”
Despite the existence of popular and well-funded baseball leagues in Japan, Taiwan, Korea, and other countries, as well as 15% of Major League players being of Domincan or Puerto Rican descent, Americans continued to enjoy a unified delusion of ownership of the international sport.
“Baseball belongs to us, like apple pie, Budweiser, and 7-11,” said St Louis Cardinals fan Drew Merbeek. “Everyone knows the real world championship of baseball is the World Series.” When asked whether he planned to watch the next one, Merbeek said “Of course. We’ve got to win this thing.”
Players on the US national team agreed. “Everyone knows we’re the best,” said captain Derek Jeter. “We get paid the most, so that proves it. In fact, individually we’re so good that it’s hard for us to play as a team, which is why we lost to the Japanese.” Looking forward to the next World Baseball Classic, he was optimistic. “I’m sure we’ll win it next time. Then everyone will know that this time it’s for real.”
