BANGKOK – French men who come to Thailand continue to somehow end up with the hottest Thai companions, according to numerous reports from the expatriate community. “I don’t understand it, but it’s true,” claimed American Travis Morefield, 27. “Every time I see a French guy, he’s got a way hotter girl than me. What the fuck?”
Morefield’s observations are echoed by expatriate men from throughout North America, Europe, and Asia, who are all at a loss to explain the phenomenon, which has been observed at various social and economic levels. “Every sleazy pub and go-go bar I go to, there’s a bloody frog with the best of the birds,” lamented Nathaniel Credgington, a 12-year expat from Manchester. “Goddamned bastards with their rolled cigarettes,” he grumbled.
Even Bangok’s high-class foreign men have noted the exceptional skills of their French counterparts. “I think I have most everything a Thai woman could want,” said Yevgeny Ivanov, a Russian businessman. “I have money, Armani suit, this watch is Patek even. I get haircut at Toni and Guy for over 100 US dollars. But then I go to Q Bar and the girl dancing on cube says she will not go with me because she is waiting for her boyfriend Marcel. I know this Marcel. He is nothing; he drives Volvo.”
Frustrated men like Morefield have even taken to attending the La Fete cultural festival, eating in Le Bouchon bistro on Convent Road, and loitering around the French Consulate trying to strike up conversations with the “hotties that are always lining up for French visas.” However, his efforts have failed because, in his own words, “the Frenchness just doesn’t rub off.”
When questioned about the supposed phenomenon, most French expatriates were evasive and smug. “If I have to explain it to you,” said Phillippe Gironde, a consultant from Paris, “then it is something you will never have.”
