Panic As Nation’s 1,652nd Bombing Injures Non-Southerners

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BANGKOK – The citizens of the nation’s capital woke up this morning to a completely changed world as the 1,652nd bomb attack of the last decade caused injury to someone who wasn’t a resident of the deep southern provinces.

In what the government and media are calling a “nightmarish first,” a terrorist plot by alleged Iranians involving improvised explosive devices went horribly wrong on Tuesday afternoon, resulting in a damaged non-southern taxi, four wounded non-southerners including the alleged bomber, and chaos on a non-southern city street.

As details emerge about a possible failed plot to bomb foreign targets in Bangkok, city residents demanded that the Yingluck government do more to protect the non-deep-south part of the nation from terrorist attacks.

“The presence of bombs in Thai cities that are not in the deep south is totally unacceptable,” said opposition leader Abhisit Vejjajiva. “While we will support the government’s security efforts, we will also carefully audit their policies of protecting the non-southern parts of the kingdom.”

However, Defense Minister Sukampol Suwannathat was quick to insist that the security of non-deep-south Thailand was still well-maintained and that the isolated non-deep south incident did not constitute a genuine terrorist act.

“Non-south Thailand remains a peaceful and welcoming destination for travelers,” he said.

Additionally, Sukampol praised the non-southern Thai police for their role in foiling the alleged bombing plot, and for placing themselves in danger to protect non-southern public safety.

“The police have control and will soon be providing updates on their investigation,” he said. “Thais not living in the south will soon know who was behind these bombs and what their motives are.”

A number of foreign embassies issued warnings to their citizens in Thailand, recommending heightened awareness. However, none went so far as issuing travel bans on non-southern areas of the country.

“We have no reason at this time to downgrade our assessment of the security of non-south Thailand,” read the U.S. Embassy statement in part.

However, many Bangkok residents expressed concern that the government was not prepared to deal with the new threats of terrorism in the northernmost 73 provinces.

“Thailand aside from the deep south has always taken pride in being a peaceful place,” said Nonthanoon Kittirakun, the bookings manager at a large hotel in downtown Bangkok. “To have bombs going off and hurting people who aren’t deep southerners goes against our values.”

A spokesperson for the Army agreed, promising that Thailand’s military would respond to the new threats to non-southern Thailand.

“It is our duty to protect all Thais who don’t live in Pattani, Yala, and Songkla provinces,” he said, “and we intend to do exactly that.”

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