MOSCOW – Prime Minister Vladimir Putin told the Russian parliament yesterday that his leadership had returned the Russian to his rightful place as most common Hollywood villain.
Many of the members of the Federal Assembly, most whom donned fur caps with ear flaps, leather gloves and sported acne scars, cheered and tapped black canes on the floor in tribute to Putin.
Analysts had thought that the Gorbachev years had irreparably softened the image of Russia and that Yeltsin had made the country a joke. But Putin’s icy demeanor and tough-guy stunts have since revitalized Russia as a secretive, double-dealing state that strikes fear into the hearts of the world and American movie-goers.
Citing Iron Man 2, Salt and a recent New York Times feature by A.O. Scott, Putin said, “After years of being displaced by terrorists, drug barons, warlords, and aliens, we are now once again being depicted via nameless actors as the greatest menace to peace and stability on the planet. Isn’t it cool?”
The entire Federal Assembly then agreed to forego their usual plotting and instead shouted and laughed in glee as they enjoyed an extended movie marathon featuring the golden era of Russian bad guy films, highlighted by 1980s classics Red Dawn and Rocky IV.
