BANGKOK – In an attempt to address the current moral crisis of student prostitution and sexual liberalism among Thailand’s young people, the Senate has decided to personally handle the sexual education of all girls in the Kingdom aged 16-22.
“The moral fabric of this land is coming apart,” said senator Amnouy Phetsiri. “We have to take matters into our own hands, literally.” Amnuoy and three other senators authored the plan, which places the introduction of human sexuality to young girls in the control of Senate members through the construction of a massive sexual education facility on Ratchadapisek Road in Bangkok. The facility, which will feature neo-classical architecture, thick carpeting and soft lighting, will house over 30,000 girls at a time in special dormitories. Classrooms will be equipped with three-person Jacuzzis with hand-held shower nozzles, velvet curtains, and state-of-the-art audio-visual projection and recording capabilities.
Details of the actual sexual education process were still sketchy, but senator Phayap Thongchuen promised that it would be “absolutely thorough.” The enrollment process would be compulsory, similar to the military draft for all Thai males aged 18. Enrolled girls would be sent to the facility for medical and psychological evaluation, as well as screened for “desirability.” According to the senators, the most desirable girls are the ones most at risk for developing bad morals and possible temptation to prostitution.
“We plan to pay special attention to prettiest, youngest, and most vulnerable girls,” promised senator Sittisak Yontrakul. “We’ll make absolutely sure to teach them the proper Thai values when it comes to appropriate relationships between males and females – respect for and submission to elders, not questioning teachers, and quiet acceptance of their karma as instructed by Lord Buddha.” According to Sittisak, the girls who excel at their sexual education may be retained as special teaching assistants to personally further the cause by attending to their teacher’s administrative needs.
The bold plan, nicknamed the Siamese Flowers Project, was passed in an overwhelming majority vote on the Senate floor yesterday, with only 17 senators objecting conditionally. Coincidentally, the minority was entirely composed of the Senate’s 17 female members. Speaking for the minority, Mrs. Jirawan Chongsutanamanee said the allocated budget of 190 million baht was too high, while Mrs. Jitthana Yingthaweelapa wanted to add religious instruction to the curriculum.
Bangkok senator Miss Rosana Tositrakul was the only Senate member completely opposed to the idea. “Girls shouldn’t be having sex at all, ever,” she said.
