Thailand To Host ‘NepoBABY 2025’ Conference

The NepoBABY Conference began in 1956 in Los Angeles, as a small cocktail mixer for the mildly talented children of Hollywood elites. Attendees at the first conference included Douglas Fairbanks Jr.; Liza Minnelli; Jane Powell; and John Barrymore Jr., who famously declared, “I want to make it on my own—and I think I proved that by not crying when the private chef quit.”

Confirmed guests for this year’s conference include Eric and Donald Trump, Jr.; Allegra Versace; Ananya Birla; Paris Hilton; Andrew Cuomo; Taki Theodoracopulos; Hunter Biden; Andrea Casiraghi; Brooklyn Beckham; Jean-Christophe, Prince Napoléon; Georgina Bloomberg; Wang Sicong; Andile Ramaphosa, and others.

This year’s event will include a special Thai breakout session, subtitled “Blacked Out & Bailed Out: Thriving as a National Embarrassment.” Attendees will network, exchange phone numbers of local fixers, and share tips on avoiding prosecution for crimes that would get normal people beaten with sticks or set on fire.

Confirmed Thai participants include:

• King Vajiralongkorn (Rama X), whose public schedule is mostly “not being in Thailand” and whose dog once outranked most of the Air Force.
• Vorayuth “Boss” Yoovidhya, grandson of the founder of Redbull, wanted for killing a cop with a Ferrari and conveniently receiving government tipoffs to avoid being caught by arresting officers. He’ll lead a session titled “Interpol Has to Wait in the Car: Life Beyond the Red Notice.”
• Chitpas Kridakorn, granddaughter of the founder of the Boon Rawd Brewery dynasty (maker of Singha), who once explained that democracy wasn’t for the poor because “they don’t understand things,” and helped fund the PDRC protests that led to the 2014 coup.
• And Nattapol “Toy” Techarungchaikul, best known for destroying Porsches and not contributing to GDP.

According to sources familiar with the event’s planning, Thai organizers were especially thrilled to host the conference, proudly citing the country’s “world-class track record of never holding wealthy people accountable for anything, ever.”

“It’s not just that no one will be arrested,” one source explained. “It’s that we’ve made not arresting them a point of national pride. And that’s what has made Bangkok such a treasured destination for the ultra-rich who don’t like being inconvenienced by what’s legal and what isn’t.”

The week-long conference will feature panels, parties, and several low-level criminal incidents that no one will be punished for—all part of what organizers are calling “the immersive NepoBABY experience.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t even think about going if I knew there was a chance of being held responsible,” said Chet Hanks, while asking his lawyer to confirm whether vehicular manslaughter counted if it happened on private property.

A sample of the programming schedule was shared with NotTheNation, after a carefully-placed bribe resulted in a returned phone call from someone’s uncle at the Ministry of Culture:

• Round Table Discussions:
  • How to Avoid the Meritocracy Conversation Without Leaving the Room
  • Surviving Poverty: How to Manage After Your Parents Cut You Off for Two Weeks
• Workshops:
  • Breaking Into the Industry Your Family Already Runs
  • Instagram Activism for Nepo Babies: How to Save the Planet in 3 Carousel Posts or Less
• Book Signings:
  • My Journey: A Memoir of Discovering Myself in the Guest House, by Georgina Bloomberg
  • No, But I’m Talented Too: Living in My Parent’s Malibu Compound, by Paris Hilton
• TED Talks:
  • Finding Your Purpose After the Yacht Sinks
  • Learning to Be Free When You’re Already a Billionaire

While organizers promise a “carefree experience,” some experts have raised concerns about what could happen when hundreds of delusional millionaires unfamiliar with legal boundaries are let loose in downtown Bangkok.

“Hosting this event could be dangerous,” warned nepobaby industry analyst Annika Steinbach. “The entire week is likely to be just a constant stream of alcohol-impaired car accidents, groping waitstaff at rooftop bars, sexually assaulting hotel maids, and customs violations involving prescription medication with someone else’s name on the label.”

“Of course, the upside for Bangkok’s police force is enormous—by day three, we expect bribe revenue to surpass the value of last year’s narcotics division seizures. But let’s be honest, even bribes aren’t always necessary. Not in a country where you can shoot a cop in the face and still make it to brunch.”

“Being a nepobaby means never having to Google ‘jobs near me,’” added Allegra Versace, watching her assistant struggle to carry six designer suitcases out to the limo waiting to take her to the airport. “I’ve been finding myself for 17 years, mostly in spas, and I think I’m getting close.”

The conference concludes Friday, 2 May, with a closing ceremony featuring a moment of silence for the concept of personal accountability, followed by the dismissal of any accrued criminal charges and the issuing of newly minted Get Out of Jail Free cards—valid in any country ranked 78th or below on the World Justice Project’s Rule of Law Index.