Burmese Junta Overthrown By Online Petition

Than Shwe and fellow ruling generals 'beg for mercy'

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YANGON Over 20 years of oppressive military rule by Burma’s unelected military junta came to an abrupt end Tuesday as the mass signing of a strongly-worded online petition to the United Nations created “irresistible pressure,” according to former supreme commander Than Shwe, who announced the peaceful surrender of power at a press conference.

“We, the leaders of the State Peace and Development Council (SPDC), hereby relinquish control of the state apparatus, military, and bureaucracy of Myanmar, which shall now be renamed Burma,” read his statement in part. “We submit humbly to the overwhelming forces of public disapproval incited by signatories of the online petition and beg for their mercy.”

Effective immediately all political prisoners including the 1990 elected head of state Aung San Suu Kyi will be released, with Suu Kyi to assume executive office and command of the military. Borders have been opened without conditions and foreign journalists as well as UN monitors have been invited in to oversee the transparency and thoroughness of the transition.

According to the SPDC, the prospect of having over 250,000 concerned netizens expressing negative feelings about the junta’s rule was too powerful to resist. Furthermore, the promise to pass the signed petition to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon apparently caused “total panic” among the junta’s senior ranks.

“The wording on the petition was so strong and concise, that we immediately feared for our standing among the educated international community,” a spokesperson explained.

Despite some surprise at the speed of the junta’s capitulation, international analysts generally agree that the developments simply confirm the unstoppable potency of online petitions to enact political change.

“The junta seemed to have total control, with their sealed borders, vast military infrastructure, and seemingly endless revenue from the export of heroin and natural gas to insatiable nations like France and Thailand,” explained journalist Thomas Fuller. “But once again, the mouse has proved mightier than the sword.”

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