New Delhi – In what has been described as the most unexpected consequence of any economic reform in global history, the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) and the Ministry of Science & Technology jointly announced today that demonetisation has spiraled out of control—literally.
“For the last eight years, we’ve been tracking residual effects of the 2016 demonetisation,” said Dr. Susmita Bannerjee, India’s foremost economic physicist, who looked visibly shaken during the press conference. “At first, we believed the reports of ₹500 and ₹1,000 notes vanishing from wallets, vaults, and even underneath mattress cushions were the usual symptoms of policy panic. But we were wrong. It turns out, demonetisation didn’t just eliminate black money—it ripped a hole in the very fabric of India’s monetary reality.”
According to Dr. Bannerjee and her team, demonetisation triggered a supernatural vortex, located approximately twelve kilometers above the Indian subcontinent, that is currently vacuuming up all cash—both physical and digital—from every corner of the country.
“By our calculations, the vortex has been amassing demonetised ₹500 and ₹1,000 notes, along with any loose ₹2,000 notes, into a single swirling mass of monetary energy,” Dr. Bannerjee explained, visibly sweating under the bright lights. “This swirling mass is compressing into what we’re calling a theoretical Supernote—a singular physical bill worth the sum total of all invalidated and current currency combined. At last estimate, this note could be worth as much as ₹19 lakh crore.”
Chaos on the Ground
Citizens across India have started reporting bizarre incidents. Shopkeepers have seen cash physically yanked from tills, ATMs are spewing nothing but confetti, and credit card payments now result in polite error messages reading, “Your currency has been absorbed into the vortex. Please try again after the apocalypse.”
“Yesterday, I was paying for chai with a ₹10 note,” said Rajesh Verma, a resident of Lucknow. “The note literally floated out of my hand, hovered in the air, and zoomed toward the sky like it had somewhere more important to be. I had to borrow a biscuit from the shopkeeper to soak my tea!”
Meanwhile, the vortex’s influence is growing. Economists warn that by this weekend, it will begin to absorb digital transactions, including UPI payments, bank reserves, and even WhatsApp stickers of ₹200 notes sent in jest.
“It’s the ultimate cashless economy,” quipped an unnamed RBI official, nervously chuckling before being reminded this was a live broadcast.
Supernote’s Growing Power
Dr. Bannerjee’s team has used advanced computational models to predict that the vortex will stabilize once it has consolidated every single form of currency into the Supernote, a process she estimates will complete within 72 hours.
“The good news,” she said, attempting a faint smile, “is that the Supernote will be very easy to carry. The bad news is that it will likely be impossible to make change for it.”
At press time, economists estimated that the Supernote, if successfully formed, could represent upwards of ₹300 trillion—more than the entire nominal GDP of India.
Six-Year-Old Secures India’s Future
At press time, the Supernote with a valuation of 325 trillion INR (3.55 trillion USD; 3.25 trillion EUR; 131.824 trillion Baht) appeared to have already descended. Reports from a small village in Bihar confirm that it was picked up this morning by a six-year-old Dalit girl named Meena Kumari, who was helping her mother sweep the streets when the glowing, wallet-sized Supernote landed gently in her dustpan.
